Learning to live

Learning to live: meadow

The meadow has always been mine an peeta's favourite place, we bring Luca here a lot, the only man in His life is peeta so he tries to spend as much time as he can with him.

I know peeta would make an amazing father I just don't know If I would make a good enough mother. I know the basics, how to change a bum, bath them, make bottles, wake up with them in the night. But Luca isn't Mine he's Annie's and I only have him once a week I don't know If I could handle being a full time mother.

"Suits you, you know" peeta smiled pulling the first daisy from spring out of the ground.

"It would be the worse thing in the world" I answered stroking Luca's head.

Peeta's face broke out into a huge smile.

"Maybe in a couple of years" I smiled turning on my stomach to play with Luca his blue eyes brightening at the sight of a Chocolate  peeta placed in his hand.

"When are we telling people we're engaged?" Peeta asked me.

"I think we should start with haymitch, he's been drinking a lot less lately, I think he might be kind of happy"

"Yeah, I'm sure he thinks he's your owner" peeta laughed causing Luca to give a tiny baby giggle. He really was good with kids.

"He's the only sane parent figure I've had for the past couple of years, I think I might ask him to give me away"

"He'd love that, I can imagine him saying as you walk down the aisle 'good job sweetheart' "

"You're full of yourself today aren't you" I playfully smacked peeta.

"Hey pack it in!"

"Yeah yeah" I rolled my eyes turning attention back to Luca.

"Maybe we should have a party on Saturday and tell everyone then" peeta suggested.

"Yeah I'd like that, invite everybody I've missed them all to be honest, even Johanna" I joked

"Me too, me too"

"Should we say it's a birthday party?" I asked

"Yeah"

"Kat Kat i made you a happy birthday card" Luca sweetly said rummaging in his bag for it. 

He had made a card full of bright colours and stickers and inside it said "I love you" which Annie would have helped him with.

I must admit this did cause me to smile a little. I think I would like to be a mother one day, I just don't know when. I'm scared In case i have another break down an peeta has to do it all on his own. Peeta still has flash backs. I have endless nightmares that would definitely scare them an maybe even scar them. Then there is their parents being the most famous people in panem. And they would find out their parents are murderers. I can't begin to count the amount of people lost their lives for me and peeta. They would have to learn about the games and the roles me and peeta played and that would kill me. My children knowing every act of pain I have caused.