Yours Truly, Austin Post - Post Malone

10

Ava puts the book she was reading down when Gracie walks back into the bedroom with that sunny smile of hers. "He had to go for an interview and will be busy for the rest of the day," she says sitting down next to Ava and tucking her feet under her bum. "He will find the time to phone and check-in," Ava says, Gracie giggles and nods her head.

"Soooo....remember I said I had a little more to my plan around having you here?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Well...I need your help. Austin has given me so much. He has given me everything and I want to....ok, let me explain - before I got sick we had been talking about children...we had even started trying to get pregnant. That's why we thought the headaches and nausea were morning sickness at first. After I got sick we decided to freeze my eggs. At first, Austin was very excited about the idea, something was comforting in knowing that no matter what the future held for us there would always be an option for a baby. With my diagnosis, all our options were taken away from us so giving ourselves the option of a baby made us feel like we had control over something. We wanted a family, a big family with four children! We spent hours talking about family holidays, sports games, little hugs and kisses, and the laughter of sweet babies filling this house. Austin would always look so happy, and so excited when we spoke about it - he has always wanted to be a father and he would be amazing at it. He is so kind and has so much love to give. When we went to the doctor to start the process they told us that there were risks given my condition and well, you know Austin..."

"He refused to do anything that would put you at risk."

"Exactly."

"What exactly do you want to do?"

"Meet with a doctor, he will give me a series of hormone injections that will prep my eggs then when I am ready - harvest and freeze them."

"So what do you need me for?"

"Austin won't even talk about it. He refuses. He says he will never place me in a position that makes me more sick."

"Well it won't make you more sick - it will just make you feel more nauseated and a little more weepy with all those hormones. You will have to take injections to stimulate the growth of extra eggs in the ovaries every day and then go under general anesthetic for them to harvest them...you might have to do it a few times."

"But, to Austin, that's still bad. He won't do anything that makes me even remotely uncomfortable."

"So...you want me to take you and do all this behind Austin's back?"

"If I could lie or keep a secret from Austin I would say yes, but, I can't so I need you to convince him."

"Can't you get one of your family members to do it?"

"Everyone is on Austin's side. My pleas fall on deaf ears."

"I don't know, Gracie..."

"Oh, please! I know it's a big ask but Austin needs this even if he refuses to acknowledge it. If you could just talk to him. Take me to a doctor today, we can get him a ton of information and show him it won't be that bad. Please, Ava."

Ava sits up straighter and looks Gracie dead on. Austin gets upset if she washes dishes or moves a pillow that Gracie has fluffed, taking her to a doctor without him knowing would only result in Austin blowing his top and possible murder would ensue. Gracie's immune system is at an all-time low, and the risks around egg freezing are different for Gracie than for a healthy woman.

"Gracie, he does not trust me. He does not want me here - he won't listen to me and when he finds out I took you to a doctor he will kill me."

"He does trust you and I know you could win him over. Please, Ava. He needs this."

This is not a small thing. This is big. If there are any complications Austin will blame Ava, he is so helpless to what is happening that he is looking for someone to blame and Ava will be his easiest target.

"Why?  Why is this so important to you?"

Gracie bites her lip and blinks away the tears that are threatening, there is fear in her eyes.

"I am not afraid of dying...I am afraid of what I am leaving behind...a broken man with no meaning left in life...that's why I push his music, push him to continue. Everyone is worried about me but, honestly, if you think about it I get the easy part. I die...I sleep...Austin is the one who gets the hard part. He watches me die, he watches me in pain and there is not a dam thing he can do about it. Then after I die he has to plan my funeral, he has to learn to live again, learn to love life again...if the roles were reversed I would want something to cling to...I would want an opportunity...something like this and I know he wants that too. I know his heart. He needs this, he is just scared. I...I just...all our dreams were snatched away, Ava. We just woke up one morning and they were all gone...poof...just like that...and soon I will be gone too. I have nothing else to give him...I would like to leave behind just one dream and even if he never uses them that's ok. I just don't want to leave him dreamless...that breaks my heart, Ava."

Gracie's words can't be any more gut-wrenchingly true. Carter and her had never spoken about something like this and if Ava had to have a choice she would give anything to have had an opportunity like the one Gracie is talking about. Not replacing Carter with a carbon copy of him - just a little person who is their own person but, has shimmerings of Carter. Maybe his bright smile or his floppy blond hair. That would have made this life without Carter more bearable. If they had spoken about something like this Carter would have pushed for it - his biggest worry while he was dying was leaving Ava alone and she is alone. She is very much alone.

"Ok-" she starts but is cut off by Gracie squealing and throwing her arms around her neck. "Oh, thank you, Ava! Thank you so much!" she says excitedly. "But, we have to convince Austin first before I take you anywhere - that's the only deal," Ava says. "Ok. Ok. We will do a whole presentation for him. Let's start now!  We can do a ton of research and I have posterboards, glitter glue...oh and some pressed flowers. We can make him presentation boards and everything. We will cook his favorite meal too," Gracie says standing up and rushing off. Ava does not think pretty presentation boards are going to help but, Gracie's excitement is contagious so she gets up too and rushes off to find her.

She finds her in a spare room, rummaging in a cupboard for art supplies with Austin calling on her phone to check in. "What do I say to him?  He will ask what we are doing. I can't lie to him," Gracie says pulling out a big board and then picking up her phone. "Tell him we are doing art stuff and will show him when he gets back - it's not a lie," Ava says. And that's what Gracie does and then for the rest of the time Austin is away, they get stuck into researching and making poster boards while Austin checks in every few hours. Ava finds herself adoring Gracie more with every passing second, her laugh makes Ava laugh and her smile causes Ava to want to steal it - put it in her pocket and call on it whenever she has a weak moment. Gracie is a healing force and although not a second goes by without her missing Carter - Gracie's presence wraps her in a comforting haze and Ava feels a protective button click within her for Gracie, like she is ready to go to war for her.

Later that evening Austin phones and again they watch his show, both falling asleep from their busy day before his show is done. Ava is shaken awake softly and when she opens her eyes Austin is hovering over her. "Hey," she says in a sleeping haze. "Hey," Austin says then helps her out of bed and guides her to her bed, pulling the bed covers back and then over her when she flops into her bed. "Thank you for keeping her safe, Ava," he whispers. "She is a lot of energy on a summer day, always busy," she mumbles with closed eyes as she hugs her pillow. "That's my Gracie - the woman is a whirlwind," he whispers with a soft chuckle.