Yours Truly, Austin Post - Post Malone

26

The house has always got a chill to it now, and Ava finds Gracie's mother and sister constantly opening the curtains in an attempt to let light in as the house also seems to have a shadow cast over it now - a loss of light. Gracie no longer floats around the house in brightly colored summer dresses nor is she helped by Austin to the kitchen or den, no, for the last two weeks Gracie moves between her bed, bathroom, and patio. She is too weak and in too much pain to walk so Austin carries her. He washes her carefully, brushes her hair, and dresses her in warm clothing, he changes the color of her nail polish every morning just like she always liked to do too - Hope usually sits on the bed with them during this time, choosing her color for the day. He tries to get her to eat but she only ever manages a few tiny bites, Ava thinks she tries so hard for Austin's sake. She remains curled on Austin's lap throughout her days as the family flutters in and out of their room quietly. Hope and Ava have taken to sitting in the afternoon sun that filters through the patio doors and warms the carpet as they read while the mothers talk quietly on chairs near Austin and Gracie's bed, and the fathers play chess at the bottom of the bed. Austin's brothers and Dre spend their days looking after the nieces and nephews - their role will come into play for Austin after. Austin keeps the family close at all times, except when he takes Gracie out onto the patio in the mornings - that's still for only them. Ava still makes Gracie's tea every morning and snips Austin's elastic - but, Gracie can no longer drink it, and Austin undoes his bun for her and then helps her rake her fingers through his frizzy hair.

One particular morning Ava wakes up and the air is ice cold. She can hear the constant buzz of family getting ready for the day outside her door and so she pulls herself out of bed and heads down to the kitchen to make Gracie's tea. Austin's brothers are getting the kids ready for school while the parents are busy making breakfast - it's a normal morning. Ava makes Gracie's tea and then walks down to Austin and Gracie's room. Like every morning, Austin has Gracie bundled up in blankets and curled on his lap. Ava opens the patio door and places Gracie's mug beside them on the table, snips the bun elastic then slips back inside. Again, like every morning she takes a moment to look at them before she leaves. She sees Gracie's thin small hand reach up and her fingers sink into Austin's beard, waiting as Austin undoes his bun before he takes her hand and guides it to his hair where she runs her fingers through the frizzy brown strands slowly. Ava waits for Austin to tell Gracie he loves her like he does every morning, only this time he talks. He talks a lot and his face crumbles. Ava watches as Gracie's hand slowly slips out of his hair and down his chest as if she has simply fallen asleep.

There is a sudden quietness that engulfs the house - a calm peacefulness.

Austin's head falls forward and he buries his face in Gracie's blankets, clutching her to him tightly as if someone will steal her away from him - his shoulders shaking violently.

Sweet Gracie has slipped away...

Hope is the first to appear in the doorway and she looks at Ava with pleading in her eyes. "Come here, Hope," Ava whispers. Hope falls into her arms and lets out a heartbreaking sob, she does not need confirmation - she can feel her sister is no longer here. Austin's and Gracie's parents arrive seconds later, finding solace in each other when the realization hits. Austin's brothers have left with the children for school and it's probably for the best as no one can keep their emotions right now.

"Should we call the doctor? Should we go out there?" Austin's stepmother asks. "No, give him as much time as he needs with her, we will wait until he is ready. He will tell us," Gracie's father says softly. No one is sure what to do so they stay in the bedroom, trying to cope with the loss of Gracie. Ava can't seem to get warm, that icy chill now in her bones as she sits with Hope who shakes in her arms.

At midday, they watch as Austin stands slowly, holding Gracie tightly against his chest then turns to face them. Ava's heart drops. Austin is shattered and she can see he is numb - his eyes are dull. He walks inside slowly and places Gracie gently on the bed then covers her with the heavy white duvet. She looks like she is only sleeping. "Call the doctor," he says, barely above a whisper while he looks down at Gracie and then over to Gracie's mother. "Come here, Mom," he says softly taking her into his arms as she cries into his chest - Austin's broken face is streaked in pain and emotion that he is not able to control.

Ava steps out of the room and calls the doctor then hangs around the front door for him - giving the family time alone with Gracie. She has not been able to cry yet - she feels numb too. Austin refuses to leave Gracie's side until after the doctor arrives and then takes Gracie away with him.

Austin disappears then.

Ava has no idea where he has gone but his brothers and Dre assure everyone he is safe and that when the time is right he will be back. When the children arrive home they are taken by their parents and the news of Gracie is told to them gently. Ava crawls back into bed, that quietness still hanging over the house. She hugs her pillow and finally lets the tears fall. She will never feel pain like she had at the loss of Carter but Gracie's loss still hits hard.

In the days that follow Ava learns that Austin is back, but he stays in his and Gracy's bedroom. Only his brothers, Dre, and his father come in and out of the room while Gracie's parents, his stepmother, and Hope hover around - numb and in pain. Ava tries to support them all as best she can - but some things have no cure so all she can really do is let them pull her into a hug whenever they search for a little comfort. She will give them all the strength she can muster up - it's not much, but it's something. Ava's purpose here has come to an end and so she starts packing slowly, she will leave the day after Gracie's funeral. She would ask Austin if that is ok but, she does not think he knows she is still around. She has started helping the brothers and Hope with the children so they can focus on Austin and the family - it helps that she can keep her mind busy with them. Gracie had been right, kids bring a sense of healing no adult can - a sweet purity.

A week after Gracies passing Ava has set up a movie for the children in the den with snacks and soda then walks into the kitchen to get her dinner. The parents and siblings are talking about getting started with funeral arrangements. Gracie had refused to plan anything saying that Austin would know what to do, but with Austin being so broken no one thinks he is able and they would happily take the planning on if it alleviates some pressure for Austin.

"We could just use the church down the road," Hope suggests. "Yes, it's close and we could have everyone come back here after," Austin's stepmother adds.

"No."

Everyone stops and turns to see Austin in the doorway. Ava's heart squeezes.

That man is broken...shattered.

"Austin, we need to have a -" his father starts gently but is cut off by Austin shaking his head. "Tell people to come on Saturday with their families. They can picnic under the orchard trees...pick fruit if they want. No speeches, no crying...happy families. That wants we will do," Austin says. His voice is raw as if he had drank a gallon of acid. His eyes look dull and empty, and his skin has a sick grey tinge to it. "She would love that," Gracie's mother whispers.

"She would," Austin says then turns and walks out of the kitchen. Later, when Ava goes to check on the kids she finds Austin asleep on the couch with his nieces and nephews draped over him like protective little blankets - Gracie's wedding band on his pinky.