Yours Truly, Austin Post - Post Malone

28

Ava often thinks of Gracie and Austin, the thought of them always brings a smile to her face. It's been a year since her passing and although she has not spoken to Austin since, she knows he is doing ok. She sees he has started doing shows again. He had been quiet for a long time so she could not help buying a ticket to one of his shows when he released tour dates. As always, his show had been fanominal. She also saw that he had released a new album - it was a bit depressing and it's all in code. He sings of life after addiction. The fans support him and express their support of him getting clean and sober, but Ava knows Gracie is the addiction he sings about - Gracie was his drug and with that knowledge his songs hit very differently. Worry for him creeps up now and then but, when she looks on his social media he looks ok. He has started smiling again and he wears Gracies ring on his pinky still although in some photos he wears it around his neck, it's always with him. He has not moved on but he is learning to live without her and from what Ava can see he is working hard on it.

Ava has started studying. She is going to become a teacher and the experiences she has had during her studies has woken a love for teaching that makes her feel good. Grade one is the age group she is going for and she can't wait till she is finished her studies. She has found a new love in life when it comes to teaching. She has also worked on her fractured relationship with her mom - her pain had made it hard to be around her mother even though her mom had tried her best. But, they have worked hard and are in a better place but have a long way to go still. She knows her mom is looking out for her but she gets it wrong sometimes like when she had invited a man she had only just met at a grocery store to Ava's apartment - it had been an awful experience but, it had served to bring Ava and her mom a little closer. The memory still makes her angry though.

"Who is this man on your wall?" the guy asks. "My husband, Carter," Ava answers with her guard up. "Oh? Your mom said he had died," the guy says giving her a weird look. Ava just stares at him. Why is he here. "I will take you on that date but just so you know it's weird to keep photos of your dead husband on the wall and if we start a relationship these will be the first things to go. Best to move on and leave the past behind. Keeping these up will only cause us problems and I see no point in competing with a dead man."

"Please get out of my house."

"What?"

Ava sighs, walks to her front door and opens it then gestures for him to leave. "Get out," Ava says then slams the door behind him and turns to face her mother.

"What are you doing?"

"I just don't want you to be alone, Ava and it's been years. He is a horrible person and I am sorry for bringing him here but...he does have a point. You need to move on."

"That's not what I want. I don't want to move on. I want a partner who will love Carter as much as I do and respect the place I will always hold in my heart for him - why is that so wrong?"

"But Ava no man is going to want a relationship where he has to share you with Carter. What you are expecting is impossible."

"This is who I am. This is the life I have been given. The right man will accept that."

"You ask for too much, sweetheart...but, I think I am starting to understand. We will find you this imaginary perfect man. I just want to see you happy."

She had tried dating again after that but she compares them all to Cater and honestly, they just don't stand a chance. No one is on Carters level.

After one evening at a particularly hard study session she decides to walk home instead of catching the bus in the hopes that the cool night air will sooth her throbbing brain. As she passes a park she hears her phone ringing in her bag so she stops and rumages around then she pulls it out triumphantly when she finds it. Her heart stops when she sees it's Austin calling her. It's been so long, just over a year, she had honestly not expected to hear from him again.

"Hello?" she answers her phone.

"Hey, Ava. How you doing?"

"Good thank you, Austin, and you?"

"I am fine, thank you," he answers. Ava is not sure what so stay and so awkward silence follows as it seems Austin too is no sure how to carry this conversation. They're strangers now.

"I...I am sorry for phoning you out of the blue like this but...I wanted to let you know something."

"It's no trouble at all. I am happy you phoned, Austin. What would you like to tell me?"

"I have decided to have a baby. You played such a big part in helping that sneaky wife of mine to get me on board with her crazy idea. I thought it only right that I let you know what I decided."

"Austin. I am so happy for you. When do you start?"

"Well actually I did it already and today I got confirmation that the insemination was successful. I will be a father in nine months. I asked Hope if she was open to surrogate for me."

"Hope? That's a great choice in surrogate."

"I thought so too. I think Gracie would approve."

"I agree."

"Baby is due 21 June...the start of Summer."

They go silent after that, again not sure what to say. Ava wants to say that Summer days are the best days but Austin has a slight rawness to his voice - he sounds like he is still heavy in his grief so he may not be ready for a comment like that.

"Well...I better go...it was nice hearing your voice again, Ava."

"Yes..yours too. Bye," she says and cuts the call. Austin choosing to have a baby with Gracies eggs is wonderful, empowering even - he found himself in a place where he was stripped of all his choices - it's beautal that Gracie was able to give him a choice even in her weakest moment.

It's wonderful.

Over the next nine months Ava throws herself into her studies - it keeps her mind busy and it's a passion that grows with every passing day. She tries dating yet again but still - no one is on equal par with Carter so she gives up and makes peace with being alone. She is not lonely, she is content and life is getting easier. She also finds herself not checking up on Austin as much because she knows now that he is ok, she's sure he is learning something new everyday that helps him cope with the loss of Gracie - just as she had to do with Carter's loss. But, she made it and so can he. Gracie often crosses her mind though and she misses her. She would reach out to Hope but, Hope has her mind on other things right now and she too is learning to cope with the loss of Gracie. When the time is right Ava is sure she will cross paths with Hope and they will strike up a friendship. For now Ava is content with who she is and the life she is living. She has moved back into the home she shared with Carter but has decided to renovate it herself and then sell it. Carter had hated the house anyway and it's time for her to find a place of her own. Carter will always be with her anyway. The flower crown she had made him is placed in a glass box that sits proudly on her coffee table and now when friends and her mom visit she can talk about him without breaking down - the flower crown is always a talking point.

Carter would be proud of her and how hard she has worked and that alone is an accomplishment on it's own.