Yours Truly, Austin Post - Post Malone

27

On the day of Gracie's picnic, Ava goes into town with Hope and the mothers to find pretty sundresses. It's not Ava's usual outfit, but Gracie loved sundresses so it's a tribute to her. By the time they get back, there is a long line of cars parked all the way down the road. Families with picnic blankets and some with BBQs are walking together up to Austin and Gracie's house. After Ava changes into her sundress Austin's nieces plat her hair like Gracie used to do for them and then run off to the orchard giggling that she looks like a forest fairy. Ava packs the last of her things and then walks down to the orchard.

The orchard is full. There are families under each tree spread out on picnic blankets while BBQ smoke wafts into the sky and children's laughter fills the air. It's not a funeral, just a picnic and Ava finds herself smiling - this is much better than a funeral. Gracie had been right about Austin knowing what she would want. No one is crying or looking sullen-faced, instead, they are chatting happily and picking fruit as they reminisce with old friends and make new friends. Austin and Gracie's parents walk around the trees meeting people and hearing how Gracie has graced their lives. There are a lot of people, it's the biggest send-off Ava has ever been to - Gracie had touched a lot of people's lives.

Ava looks around and sees Hope as well as Austins brothers, Dre too, but she can't see Austin - he could be lost in the crowd of people but she doubts he would be. She has not spoken to him since Gracie's passing. No one has really, only his brothers. But, she has heard him crying in the dead of night - it's a painful, broken cry. She scans the Orchard again and still can not see him but when she turns to look at the rose arch she sees him sitting on a bench, alone. No one knows what to say to him or how to approach him so they leave him be.

Ava wants to say goodbye to him, she's planning to leave early in the morning. She thinks he still goes out on the patio every morning and she does not like the thought of disturbing him then - it's still his time with Gracie. So, she walks over to him slowly. His eyes flick to her when she gets close enough.

"Miss, Ava...a warning of how ripped up I would feel would have been nice," he says, his speech flat and slow - painful. Ava rolls her eyes fondly and sits down next to him.

"Would you have believed me if I told you?"

"No...no, I would not have...I did not know this...feeling even existed."

Ava knows the feeling. People call it pain - but it goes deeper than that. There is just no word to describe it. It changes you and it changes how you see the world. "What's next for you, Ava? Where to now?" Austin asks, he has a mask on. He must nod as people express their heartfelt apologies to him and thank them for coming. It's all part of the numbness. "Not sure, but I am done being a nurse...think there is something else out there for me," she says. Austin nods. "Makes sense...you were a shit nurse," he says then bumps her shoulder with his. His joke called for a laugh or at least a smile but Ava can see he is just not capable of it.

"And you?"

"Blank...still blank," Austin says scanning the orchard.

"I am leaving in the morning so this is goodbye," she says softly. Austin does not look at her but he does sling one arm around her shoulders and pulls her into the side of his body. He lets out a few heavy breaths through his nose as he tries to control his emotions. "You held me together when I was falling apart, Ava," he says. Ava rests her head on his shoulder and then sits quietly as they both watch the people in the orchard. She recognizes some of the children as those from the kids who visited Gracie - they are with their families, laughing and playing as they eat fruit. Their orchard has come to life today and Ava hopes Austin invites people to enjoy this orchard more often now - it should be enjoyed.

"I feel her. I can feel her touch on my skin...she is everywhere," Austin says suddenly. "I can smell Carter still. I will be shopping or climbing into the shower and then suddenly I will get a whiff of his cologne," Ava says.

"Can you still see him? In your mind...can you still see his face?"

"There was a period I couldn't. It scared me. I would keep photos of him all around me - forced the memory of his face back in my mind."

"I woke a few nights back and I could not see her face. It freaked me out. My dad says he thinks it's my brain trying to protect me from the trauma of losing her."

"I have something for you," Ava says sitting up and handing him an envelope. He takes it and pulls out the photo she had printed today. "She is looking at you...see how her eyes are sparkling? I took it at your last show. She is glowing," Ava says. Austin looks at the photo, ruining his fingers over Gracie's beautiful face as he lets out a long shaky breath. "Thank you, Ava," he whispers. Ava smiles sadly, he has a long painful road ahead of him but he is stronger than she gave him credit for. He will be broken for a long time but he will survive. She leans over and kisses his cheek then stands. "Goodbye, Austin," she says then walks into the orchard to meet some of Gracie's friends.

The next morning she packs her car, Austin's and Gracie's family come to see her off, hugging her tightly and reminding her that she is always welcome if and when she decides to visit. They all live in Salt Lake City and she has all of their phone numbers so she is sure they will meet again this goodbye is not forever. Gracie had asked her to look after Hope and she intends to honor that. But, right now they are all too raw so she hugs Hope again and whispers that when she is ready she must call and they will meet up. It may take a week, a month, or even a year - but, when the time is right it will happen.