Yours Truly, Austin Post - Post Malone

37

"Umm...I, uh...what are you doing for the summer holidays, Ava?"

"Sleeping."

Austin barks out a laugh then throws the pool floatie he had been blowing up for Grayson into the pool. "Yeah, that sounds about right. One is enough for me, I can't imagine trying to control twenty of the little monsters."

"That may be true, but none of my students are monsters," Ava says then squeaks when Grayson splashes her as he dive bombs into the pool. "Except that one of course," she says pointing at Grayson. Austin laughs again then sits down next to her on the pool edge, their feet floating in the crystal water.

"I am going on a Europ tour."

"I know. Very exciting."

"Yeah...I was wondering if you would like to come along."

Ava snaps her head to him, she was not expecting him to ask her to come along. She had been dreading the summer holidays ever since Austin's team had announced his Europ tour. She will miss both Austin and Grayson. But, going on tour with him feels very personal - a little too personal. That guilt and betrayal sneak up on her again.

"I am not sure...I just..."

"Yeah, me too..."

They can read each other, there is no need for long explanations - they have the same concerns. They normally talk about everything, Austin makes her feel like she can be open with him and she knows she makes him feel the same way. But this feeling in her gut won't go and she does not think Austin can help because, again, he probably has that same uneasy feeling. Guilt. Betrayal. What are they doing? Where is this heading?

"Just...think about it. We leave in two weeks so you have time. No pressure either way."

"Thank you...I better get going," Ava says standing, Austin stands too, shoving his hands in his pockets. They have had a wonderful day, they always have wonderful days but right now they both feel slightly uneasy.

"Ava -"

"Austin-"

They say over each other and then laugh nervously. Ava is not sure why they now both feel a little uneasy, to be honest, maybe they both feel like they are doing something sneaky behind Gracie and Carter's backs - it sure feels like it.

"Dad, do I have to wake up early tomorrow? There is no school now," Grayson says climbing out of the pool. "Well, we are going down to LA tomorrow for a week. We need to leave early but you can sleep in late every day while we are there," Austin says. Ava's heart drops at the thought of them going away for a week, but it's good. She needs time to think, to work out what she is feeling and it would be good for Austin too. They spend way too much time together for her to lay her feelings out and understand them.

"Miss Ava is going now. Say goodbye, Gracie," Austin says. A wave of guilt washes over her at the use of Grayson's nickname. It only serves to confirm that this week apart is good. Clear her mind. "I will miss you, Miss Ava, but I will bring you back a gift so don't be sad about us leaving, ok," Grayson says hugging her. Ava could not adore this kid any more than she already does. "Thank you, Grayson, and be sure to have fun," Ava says. "I will, bye!" Grayson shouts as he takes a running leap back into the pool. "Goodbye, Austin and...I will think about it," Ava says. Austin still has his hands in his pockets and he looks a little uncomfortable. "Yeah...no pressure," he repeats. Ava gives him a half-hearted smile then turns and walks through the house, stopping to look at Gracies painting and Carter's fresh flowers. If she could think of a place she feels closest to Carter - it would be this house for some strange reason.

Ava does not sleep well that night, tossing and turning - her mind running a mock. She doesn't sleep well for the rest of the week either and guilt runs away with her. She wants to phone Austin, just to check up on him and even gets as far as hovering her finger over the green call button, but she gets cold feet. What would she say to him? She hasn't decided if she will go on tour with him either even when she tries to convince herself she will just be there for Grayson - like a babysitter, but that is not true and she can't convince herself otherwise.

Maybe he had only invited her because Grayson or the mothers had suggested he do so, but deep down she knows that is not true either. The mothers meddled in the beginning but after Austin gave them a gentle telling off they backed off - leaving Austin and Ava to figure things out on their own. The mothers have always been quick to welcome her when she arrives for family BBQs and other such events. They're always warm towards her and get a little carried away with their excitement of having her join in on a family day.

Austin does not say anything, but she has seen him roll his eyes and huff a laugh at their shenanigans. Hope and Ava have remained close and she too is always happy to see Ava, Austins brothers are the same and have started to form their own friendships with her. Gracie's father is always jolly and he is sure to always save a piece of Grayson's peach pie for her and Austin's father is as kind as his son. She has also reconnected with Austin's nieces and nephews, some of them now in their pre-teens. They all remember her from when she worked with their aunt and one nephew had even whispered to her that he remembers how much his aunt Gracie had loved Ava.

She feels very much a part of the family and even has a place reserved just for her at the dinner table. At the last BBQ, the fathers had suggested she bring her mother with so they can meet her and the mothers had been quick to agree. Austin has been very quiet.

Towards the end of the week, in the middle of the night, Ava bolts up in bed. Grabbing her chest and stumbling out onto her patio for fresh air - she is having a panic attack. She feels like a fraud, wreaked with guilt and hating herself as that feeling of betrayal turns her skin icy. She can do nothing but stare out at the city below her unable to stop the tears as her knuckles turn white from how hard she is gripping the the railing. She does not know what to do or how to work through what she is feeling but, she thinks there is one person who may have some much overdue advice for her. She will pay them a visit in the morning - she can't let this go on for much longer before she has a full mental breakdown.