Hydras's Best Assassin

Part 29

Yes he gave me an option to lead what happens next but I don't want to be in charge of that. I couldn't even stand and look at a picture without setting something on fire. But I knew Steve was right. I wouldn't be able to to get anywhere near him even if it meant I had to kill him again.

I know most of the others are confused or worried but when I say I can't do it I really mean I can't.

I talked to Bucky about it later that night saying it was keeping me up and he understood. He said he would be there to help me in any way he could when I needed it and that shook of the nerves a lot. I was Squad Captain back at Hydra but usually I had Brock to help me with some decisions. Okay that was a lie. Most decisions. It's mostly why I didn't want to have the responsibility of this. I overthink which leads to gaps. There can never be gaps.

Last time there was a gap I got half the squad blown up and that was a awful 2 months of recovering from punishments. I told him I would try and not let my past effect what's happening now but I think I may have spoken to soon. There is so much damage of what they did that I saw no problem of months ago but now here I am questioning my whole life over a bunch of people who I thought were bad.

Today everyone was out doing a small mission while I stayed at the compound watching Steve. Bruce wanted him to rest and so far I've caught him moving rooms without me catching him. The man just wont stay still at all. So I helped him to the lounge room and sat him in front of the TV so he had something to do as I was cleaning around the best I could.

I try to stay away from the couch as much as possible due to me not knowing if we are still on talking terms and I hope we are I just kind of feel like what happened to him was my fault. Tony and Wanda think the differently but I don't wanna push my luck with him after I put him in that position.

My phone starts ringing letting me know it's time to give Steve the last of his pills and change the bandage on his chest. He sighs and as he rips the blanket off him that I gave him I slam my hand down on the counter.

"Better stay down before I put you down myself" I said raising my voice.

He gave me a confused face till he threw the blanket back on him. "You do know your the one who put me here and second I need to be able to move to recover" he said.

"And how am I gonna recover from my headaches if your moving?" I asked sarcastically.

"Is there something you need to say? Or want me to say" he asked.

"No so just sit still and throw these down" I say. I hand him the last of his pills and sit down in front of him and he gives me a confused look. "Shirt Steve" I point.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I want your shirt off before I cut it off" I say.

He rolls his eyes and slips his arm out the sleeve and under the shirt so it hung off his neck but his other arm was still in it. I rip off the bandage making him wince and I toss it next to me and I start getting the new bandage.

"You know I'm not mad" he says.

"Didn't say you were" I said.

"Then why the fence" he asked.

"You didn't happen to be a physic in the army as well haven't you?" I asked. 

"How about this. What happens in this room stays in this room. What we say not doesn't change the past the present or the future" he spoke. I scoffed at his arrogance knowing he wouldn't keep that deal. "Well if you don't talk to me at least talk to Bucky".

"Guilt you idiot! You got hurt because of me. You haven't said crap since Fury said I take over and I can't" you scream at him. "Your Mr. Captain organized and I am just Captain plaything apparently" you say. You finish cleaning the wound and grab a gauze and slap it on his chest making him groan in pain. And thank whatever luck he had cause it knocked you out your pissed state and you look at him looking at you sympathetically.

"I told Bucky and he said he would help but help or not I don't want to do it" I stated.

"Then tell me. Tell me why" he spoke.

"I was the best they had next to Bucky but I was never a leader it was all Brock" I spoke. I grabbed his hand and put it on the bandage and started rolling tape. "They gave me a choice but I never did anything because anything I did made me nervous. I mess up it's punishments. I do what I think is best for my team but fail a step it's punishments. Brock didn't always do them but he could never stand me getting hurt so in secret he took over. He made the calls and everything but when he isn't there it was those brothers" I said. I put the tape on the four corners of the bandage and patted it. "I never ran anything and if you counted the mess up's it would be for 2 years. Nothing less" I stated.

"Why didn't you tell anyone" he said.

"because then I'd be useless here" I spoke. "You would have no use of me or need for me and you would send me off and to be honest it's a lot more sane here then out there" I said.

"We would never send you out. You have grown on everyone in this building and everyone who lives in it. Hell probably even the people you haven't met yet" he said.

"I'm only likable when others know what team I play for" I said.

"They will like you for many reasons and that is not one of them" he said. He started fixing his shirt back and I started picking up the mess I made trying to fix him throwing everything in the box and closing it. "The only thing that matters is the team you believe fighting for. Even if some demons chase you around because here we all have them. And we all help each other with them" he says.

I knew he only spoke the truth and not something so make me feel better or happy so I knew I could believe him then and there. I got up and walk over the the kitchen and start emptying the box out. What he said sit and stood in front of my mind clearer now. He knew I got  a message in my head and now he knows it'll stay in there. But he may have forgot something else. 

"How do you know?" I asked.

Questions.

"How do you know past present or future it wont effect one another. I'm bringing a problem back to Bucky and work for everyone else. So how do you know they would want me then?" I asked.

"Because here we're a family. Family of misfits. Family of whack jobs. Anything but average" he spoke.