𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓸𝓷'𝓼 𝓮𝓾𝓹𝓱𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓪🌙

Right and wrong-feelings

I need to move on because what's done is done. I did like him but not so romantically as such as I'm enamoured with Gerard. He is different and Baekjin is too different as well.On one hand Baekjin doesn't feel warmth, but on the hand he doesn't question it or try to eradicate it. I stood up from the floor and dusted my bottom. I can't give any likeness he expect me to give him. I emerged out of that dark lobby and found my friends from Daehyon waiting for me. Sound of hollowness and desolate was filling the surroundings little by little.

Dean approached me and I asked

"What's with the long face?"

He looked really sullen and was clenching his jaw. He asked as he pressed my elbows with his hands, shaking me slightly. He shook me softly and asked

"Did something happen with Mr Na?"

I shook my head. Jake was silent only soft pattering sound of silence lulled me to melancholy and guilt. Supposing that I should've never been the part of the union. If I wouldn't have been here, perhaps their would've been no guilt in me whatsoever. Jake slapped my back lightly and in a soft cold voice, he said

"Let's go, your brother might worry"

His voice sent chills down my spine. Maybe that's how his opponents hear him like when he is about to exhibit the violent and suppressed monster inside him. As we stepped out of the building the clouds were dark grey and leaden. It felt as if they were heavy with pounds of water which they are about to burst upon the masses. Sunless and murky clouds dominated the realm of the sky. A strong gush of wind sweet sticky wind slapped my face as soon as I crossed the threshold of Baekjin's office. Jake and I stood at the threshold because Dean went to fetch the mode of teenage transport- aka motorcycle. The clouds loudly gurgled above us as awkward silence stretched between the two.

Jake broke the ice by saying

"Something happened for sure....you are not telling" he sighed as he looked sideways at me. A small smirk curled on his lips.

"Isn't that the same for you...after your fight with Ben, you are just a different person" I muttered without realising then my mind registered what words of some consequence were said by me. I looked at him. I shouldn't have said that as his head hung low and his expression became dark. A drop of sweat appeared on my forehead in such a cold surroundings. Time went still as Jake was silent and then he suddenly said in a low voice

"Enough, your tongue has already led you in much danger"

I pondered deeply under the influence of his words. The roar of motorcycle engine startled me. I jumped as I realised that Dean came back, it took a lot of time for him to just fetch a motorcycle. Why is everything making me stand on my toes?

Jake climbed the bike and said

"See you later"

I sighed. I sighed because I know that Jake can't disobey Baekjin. If he did then the latter will be after the former's neck. I have no choice but to acknowledge that Jake's temperament will always remain in tune with his burden to protect others. A soft current of air passed. Jake was waiting for me to say something. I can't tell him what Baekjin said to me it will depress him further. I have to say something that will keep his spirits of normalcy at bay.

I stood beside him. I gathered my courage and said
"Look at me"
He turned his face towards me. I could see the emptiness in his bright orange eyes. They were so lively before now they feel as if the light has been sucked out of them. I pinched his cheeks with both of my hands, he looked at me questioningly.

"Jake, cheer up....the times are quite sad but there are times where I can't figure out what is really happening. But cheer up, for my sake and if you do, I will try to do the same"

His eyes widened at my words, he smiled softly and a curtain of his bright hair fell on his forehead. He took my cold hands in his hand. His hands were warm and rough.

He chuckled softly and said
"I will, Sel, but you, stay as you are"

I chuckled and nodded at his words because they seemed sincere when other words of some individuals were broken down in the pits of confusion. But even though, despite all of this, I gave him the best grin I could manage.

Those two departed and I glanced up at Baekjin's building and his office was in view. My eyes were quite sharp as I noticed a figure which was looking down. The platinum blonde hair wasn't too hard to recognise. I nodded at him and took my leave as well.

I reached my cram school because in all this confusion, my bag was left behind in the dingy lockers of 'Hero' cram school. The classroom was eerily empty, my heart shuddered against my chest as I saw violent raindrops drumming the window of our classroom. I hastily fetched my bag and stood at the threshold of the building, underneath the shade. The sound of rain was pleasing as it pattered violently on the ground. In this loud silence, Baekjin's words flashed in my mind

"Sel....I sincerely like you"
I crouched down on my knees, my head was supported on my knees. I noticed a little caterpillar on the edge of the threshold. It looked vibrantly green against the gloomy surroundings.

I pretended that I was talking to the caterpillar but in reality I was talking to myself.
"I was brave today...right? I didn't even cry..i .." words drowned in the tunnel of my thoughts. He looked so sad, was I considering myself guilty of not liking him? I don't even know what to name those feelings anymore. I'm tired..someone...please....come-

" Ehhh...you should've brought an umbrella"

Imagine you are in the desert and suddenly notice an oasis. That's too far fetched. Imagine you are fighting someone and losing but at the moment someone comes to save you. That was the exact same feeling I felt when I heard the voice of a certain individual, I've been wanting to see.

Gerard's green curtain-like hair was the first thing I saw when I lifted my head up. I stood up. Hope blooming in my chest. My cheeks were flushed.

"Gerard.." I mouthed his name

He smiled, blush creeped on his cheeks as he asked me
"Wanna share the umbrella?"

I nodded.

We were under one single umbrella. The sound of rain wasn't much loud as was our beating of our heart. He was warmer than anything. It felt as if we were standing in a pleasantly warm sauna.

"It's hot today isn't it? He asked
I liked seeing him flustered.
As we walked our hands brushed each other and we both looked away. It was an awkward and beautiful feeling. He was silent because his presence didn't radiate loneliness. He was ever present under our little umbrella. Once again both of our hands thoroughly brushed each other and we muttered something at the same time-

"Sorry-"
"No-"
I was about to say something but he interrupted
"It's oka-" our words basically overlapped each other and our faces were crimson and we averted our gaze as soon as we looked at each other.

My heart was fluttering and my breathing became heavy. Yet I tried to control the unknown symptoms cautiously.

I noticed that my white shirt was a little wet. Gerard's shoulder was exposed as the umbrella edges dripped water like crazy. His shirt was almost wet. He had such a well chiseled body.. . STOP THAT, I should try to talk to him before I go crazy.

"Y..you a..lways appear when I'm lost, I really like the best person"
I said and chuckled nervously. I could feel his radiant green eyes peeking from his mushroom green hair. His fingers brushed mine and my heart skipped a beat.

In this absolute falling rain, I watched how he interlocked his fingers with mine and grasped my hand tightly. Everything went mute, because I just heard the sweet melody of my own heart rising in anticipation.

In this cold rain, warmth entered my body. I looked at him and his eye showed a strong desire. He looked extra hot as his side eye was peeking from his green curtain hair. His ears were cherry red as he said

"I'll always be there, if it's for you" he said as I could feel his grip apply pressure on my hand. Me, being a blushing mess said, as my mind went blank-

"Me..too"