Jailed
He didn't say a word I could hold on to. Instead, he cried. He didn't tell me he'd keep me. Instead, he hugged me tightly. He didn't say he loved me; instead, he showed his scar, his pain, and the burden he's been trying to carry for so long.
I whispered all the words I wanted to tell him, and he made me feel all the words he couldn't whisper to me. He carved something in my soul that I would never forget. I knew that if I fell into the darkness, I could still find him. I could still sense him. And I could still recognize him. Not in his demonic form that he tried to paint in my mind, but as a fallen angel that lost its light.
I couldn't stop crying while driving. It was a bittersweet moment that hurt in a good way. We didn't say that we'd find each other again in the future. Instead, we agreed to move forward, heal, and grow separately.
There are no promises for the love we failed to have. But if I could have it again, if fate decided to bring him back to me, I know I'd embrace him completely.
The stereo of my car boomed just to distract myself, but as the intro of the song We've Been Fighting For Miles by New West that reminds me of him played and was relatable to what's happening between us at the moment, I sobbed more.
"We've been fighting for miles and I'm feelin' the distance... But I can't turn around now I can't change the way you feel..." The music that triggered my tears more.
He didn't hurt me, but he has scarred me beautifully... A pain that cuts deep but won't ruin me even if it doesn't heal.
This love... is painfully beautiful. It hurts, yes, but it gave me hope I could grasp. It easily forgives, even if it wasn't asked. That even if I bled while trying to fix every piece, I would still understand why each part was broken.
The short-lived memories of our past flashed through my mind as I saw his warm smile, his flushed face, and the gentleness in his eyes when he danced with me.
If only I had found him too soon, I should have fallen in love with him right then so I could spend more time with him. But those moments were enough for a lifetime memory I could cherish.
When the traffic made the car stop, it gave me an opportunity to lean against the steering wheel as my shoulder rocked. Pumikit ako at humikbi nang sunod sunod.
I know that he's in love with me. I recognized it. I... felt it. Ipinaalam niya sa paraang alam niya. At naramdaman ko kahit hindi niya man aminin sa akin.
Why... Why can't we have it? No matter how hard we tried, it slipped away like a light you couldn't even touch. A light that would vanish without a trace.
Perhaps our love was only meant to be felt in just a glimpse rather than held for a lifetime—a love you could only hope to come back to—a love that only exists in the distance.
Sa lumilipas na mga araw, sa walang tigil na pag-iyak, unti-unti at pinipilit kong intindihin kung bakit kami nasa ganitong sitwasyon. Kung bakit hindi pwedeng ipilit. At kung bakit kailangan naming lumayo sa isa't isa. Kung bakit kailangan naming magpatuloy nang hindi magkasama.
And as I tried to understand him more, I slowly accepted it.
Maybe there was love that no matter what you did, you just couldn't have.
Or you may have it, but it requires patience, effort, and sacrifices in order to deserve it.
"He did... what?!" Ang nakakabinging sigaw ni Diana ang bumungad sa akin.
I haven't told her about my conversation with Trison on that day I went to where Russel's group was. Para sa akin, ayoko ring maging alalahanin niya iyon.
