As I stared nervously at John he walked up for his welcome home kiss. I was so flustered after my afternoon with Brianna I was in the midst of rushing to get dinner at least started before he got home. That meant I hadn't showered, him arriving home early caught me completely off guard. There was no escaping that kiss, as he leaned down and our lips met he flinched pulling back a little. I felt the guilty weight of his glare as he stared at me his brow deeply furrowed. I could feel my face blushing as my heart pounded ferociously. What an idiot I was...stupid, stupid, stupid. Surely he could taste exactly what I could taste, Brianna's tangy essence.
With an obvious disgruntled growl he snapped, "I'm going for a shower."
The moment he was gone I collapsed back against the counter my heart racing and the taste of bile rising in my throat. He knew...oh my god he knew, how could he not know? I saw it in his face. Tears cascaded slowly down my cheek. The deep feeling of shame crushed me, he was a good man, and he certainly didn't deserve this. He was a wonderful father, Debbie loved him and so did I. This thing with Brianna had turned me into a cheater and a liar, I felt disgusted with myself.
The beans boiling over brought me out of my loathing self-pity. Snatching the pot I felt my fingers burning and I dropped the pot spreading boiling water and soggy beans all over the kitchen floor. I sucked crazily on my burnt hand and all I could taste was Brianna. I burst into tears and collapsed on the floor bawling my eyes out.
John came racing in wearing nothing but a towel, "What the hell's going on?" When he saw the mess and me clutching my hand, he snatched at my hand and dragged me to the sink and turned on the cold water forcibly shoving my hand under the flowing stream. "Leave it under there for at least ten minutes." He commanded. "I will just finish getting changed then I will help clean up."
I was still standing gripping my aching hand under the water when he returned. He grabbed the mop and cleaned up the floor, "Guess we won't be having beans." He joked.
"I'm sorry I will put more on."
He reached over and turned off the stove giving me a warm smile, "Tell you what, let's go out for dinner, and celebrate our last night of freedom."
"Freedom....what are you talking about?"
"Debbie...she's due home tomorrow, don't tell me you forgot."
Falling against his chest I sobbed, "Oh god I am such a terrible mother I have been so preoccupied lately."
He wrapped his huge bearlike hands around me shaking me lightly as we embraced, "Go and get changed and we will make a night of it." As I walked off he called out, "Oh you might want to shower first."
Again my cheeks burst into a fiery red glow.
The flowing water removed little of my guilt as Brianna's smell swirled down the plug hole. 'WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING.' I mumbled under my breath.
The restaurant was nice, the food was marvellous but the mood was dark, John didn't really speak, just idle chatter about work, I was waiting like a prisoner on death row, I waited a cool chill running up and down my spine. The axe was raised and John the executioner had his arms raised wielding that huge axe hovering over me as I knelt my head slipping over the icy cold chopping block. His arms must surely be getting weary holding it aloft.
Conversation was impossible for me, I just waited for that inevitable blow, my head rolling end over end into the waiting wicker basket and I deserved every bit of it.
"Charlotte, if you didn't want to come tonight you only had to say." Johns words shook me, where was the axe? Why was he being so nice?
"No love I wanted to come, it was so thoughtful of you to suggest it. The food is lovely."
