So yeah...at this stage you've probably gotten a bit of an idea how this ability can go from a slight inconvenience to an utterly overwhelming all-consuming monster of a power. I mean like it can be super useful at times but being forced to experience multiple orgasms simultaneously without any physical touch because your friend is enjoying herself. I think the phrase "blessing and curse" definitely applies to situations like this. Sexual hunger isn't even the only emotion I get overwhelmed by. I ride the waves of emotion around me, exam stress, end of year freedom, communal fear or sadness. They flow through me like I'm the lightning rod.
I think that is part of how I've become the person I am today. The experiences we have shape us all. If you start enjoying a certain sport for some reason, the feelings associated with it become a part of you even when you aren't doing that sport. Enjoy reading fiction as a child? The desire to escape into worlds all of your own will always remain. That's how is has been for my telepathy. Just a facet of my personality. It's ironic I suppose. I'm a person who can see people's internal thoughts and feelings and that connection means I wear all my own emotions and opinions outwardly. I go with the flow that surrounds me because I'm absolutely in tune with it. Like playing an instrument in time with an entire orchestra without even seeing the sheet music.
People tend to say I relax them. People are drawn to me. I hear them all the time. "You just seem so easy to chat to. It doesn't matter what you say, you seem to know the best way to say it." The most frequent occurrence in my life is understanding everyone around me. I guess after this long being informed on what others are thinking and feeling it is only natural that I pick up on the subtle cues that people give off even without my power telling me. People feel comfortable talking to someone who they don't need hide anything from. It's relaxing. I understand that. I just wish I could be completely honest with someone.
Even with my family I can't tell them about my telepathy. I don't know what would happen. I don't know if there is some government organisation out there hunting us or anything that typical of a comic book story but I'm aware the witch trials happened. They didn't even have special powers. While I'm sure we have grown as a society since then, I'm also sure we haven't grown that much when it comes to accepting things that are different. It is better if no one knows. Safer. It does lead to a lot of information withheld though. I must be careful with my words. Jen is one of the few people I feel truly never like I'm not walking on eggshells with. If I am everyone else's calming presence, then she is mine. It's not that she knows everything and there is no reason hiding things. For Jen I am grateful for how easily she accepts everything. She isn't gullible or naive. She just accepts the truth behind everything said and doesn't inquire further into any half-truths you tell. If she recognises I'm not telling her everything, she doesn't feel betrayed or lied to, she just realises there is a reason for it. It's comforting to be trusted.
I do wonder how long I will have to keep the secret of my abilities. How long will I have to rely on people not inquiring too deep to feel trusted? Can I live a normal life using my other skills and never reveal that hidden part of me? I quite like English and Physics. I like seeing how things work. The mechanics of both language and of the universe. I'm not sure where that would send me though. I haven't got a plan for after school and as much as my telepathy has become a large part of me it won't really pay any bills. Not unless I go down some kind of manipulative path that just really isn't what I want.
I'm sure that I could. If I wanted to. Sniff out the weak and vulnerable parts of people. Pray on them for my own gain. Tactical usage of my powers for selfish gain. But that is just the same as being strong and bullying someone or sharp tongued and insulting someone. That isn't something I ever condone and I could never forgive myself for allowing myself that abuse of my powers. It does however, lead to some hard conversations with myself.
