The girls disappeared up to Debbie's bedroom, leaving me with a sense of growing unease. If Lyndsay knew would she tell Debbie? Did she have some sense of knowing? I remember reading in magazines about something called gaydar, a sense of knowing if somebody is gay....is it real....is that how she knew, or worse could she smell my arousal so freshly returned from Brianna's place I probably still reeked of sex, her smell all over me. I poured a large glass of wine and flopped on the settee in the family room trying to calm my unease, as I contemplated, 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING CHARLOTTE?'
Taking a large gulp, I sat back and closed my eyes. All I needed was a moment....I needed the world to stop spinning, just a moment to catch my breath.
I didn't get my moment because with my eyes shut for what seemed like mere seconds, Debbie and Lyndsay came running into the family room giggling and tittering like the silly teenage girls they were. Debbie squeaked, "Mum, is it OK if Lyndsay sleeps over? We asked her mum, and she said it was OK so long as you don't mind?"
It felt like somebody had just inserted a knife in my stomach and was twisting the silver blade. What could I say? "Yes, of course dear, just remember it's a weeknight."
Debbie leaned down and hugged me, "Thanks mum."
Lyndsay smiled, more a smirk really as they turned and ran back to Debbie's room. Damn it, Lyndsay had slept over a million times with Debbie before and I never cared, now it felt like I was throwing her to the wolves...
I wouldn't let her have a boy sleep over, but I was letting her sleep over and probably share a bed with what I now feared was a wolf in sheep's clothing.
My eyes closed as I tried to comprehend what happened to my life? Finishing my wine, I checked my phone, no messages, no missed calls from John. For all intents and purposes, he had vanished from my life. After all these years, he just walked away...did he not love me at all? Had he found somebody else?
I may have drifted off to sleep for a while. When my eyes opened I still felt tired, my neck ached as I stretched trying to ease the pain. God, I felt mentally exhausted, and I had work the next day as well. I trundled off to bed but as I snuck past Debbie's room I put my ear to the door, trying to hear something...anything...was Lyndsay seducing Debbie? Oh my god were they having sex?
Debbie and I had a good relationship, and normally I would have felt no misgivings about sticking my head in the door and asking if they were alright, but here... now... I was scared stiff about what I would find.
I stepped back and trudged off to bed.
It was a restless night for me, that look in Lyndsay's eyes as she held me... oh my god, I felt that blade give another twist as it slid insidiously up towards my heart. Was I condoning my daughter having sex?
Closing my eyes, I realised she is an adult in the eyes of the world, legally entitled to have sex, but she was still my little girl... my daughter.... my baby.
In the morning the girls wandered out and I tried to see some trace of guilt or embarrassment on Debbie's face but there was nothing. She was just her regular bubbly happy go lucky self. When I gazed at Lyndsay I saw something different, her eyes drilled into me, and I felt my cheeks burn, there was no mistaking the sexual energy that burned within. There was desire in her, that same attraction I sensed from Brianna.
I chased the girls out and headed to school myself.
The day passed slowly and it seemed late when I got home. Debbie disappeared into her room to study leaving me to prepare dinner. I fussed about in the kitchen, trying to enjoy a glass of wine to settle my tummy.
I was jolted from my moment of peace when I heard the front door open and John walked in. He walked straight into the kitchen, and his tightly drawn face hinted he wanted to talk, "Is Debbie home?" He asked, no hello, no how are you just straight to the point.
