Gold Dust Woman- Lip Gallagher

wedding

We ended up not leaving until after an early lunch. The three of us arrived and saw the Gallaghers eating lasagna. 

"Hey guys," I said, "Who made the lasagna?"

"Neighbor," Fi said, "I give her my DNA for drug tests and she gives me food. Pretty fair trade."

"What, you swab your cheeks?"

"Nope. Piss in a cup."

"Ah," I said, "So this is piss food."

"Diana, what are you doing here?" Lip said.

"Hey, Lip," she said awkwardly, "Um, I'm sorry about the other day. I was being a real bitch. Can we just start over?"

Lip shrugged, "Sure. No problem."

She nodded and smiled softly as the door opened.

"Hey, Debs, you ready to go to Target?" V said. 

"Sure!"

"What's that smell? Either vomit or fancy cheese?"

"It can be both if you want," Carl said as Blake sat next to him. 

"Target?" Fi said.

"Deb's gonna help me register for wedding gifts."

"Thought the wedding was off," I said. 

"Back on, Mayonnaise."

"Kev know?"

"Mmhm."

Kev drunkenly proposed to V a few days ago, and now they were on the track to getting married. I was so excited. Weddings made me excited because of all the planning dressing up and dancing.

As V took a bite of the lasagna, Carl launched some at me and Ian.

"Dude!" I said as Diana giggled.

____________________________________________________

The next day, V walked in looking quite glum.

"Wedding's not gonna work," V said.

"What happened?"

"Mama wants a real priest."

Shortly before V came over, Fiona explained to Diana and me that Kev was already married to some nut job named Cheryl, so he couldn't get married to V, not legally, at least. Nevertheless, V's mom was religious and believed that a real priest should marry her daughter.

"Sheila said she'd make your wedding dress if you want," Debs said.

"Oh, that's nice, but what good is a dress if I don't have a priest?"

"You could hire an actor," Debbie suggested, "Remember the guy who played Elmo at my birthday party?"

"You remember that?" Fiona said.

"He took his head off. It was traumatizing."

Diana chuckled and rubbed the top of Debbie's head before going back to help her with PB and Js for lunch. 

"You think an actor could work?" Fiona said. 

"You know, I could probably get Father Pete to do it if Carl will help," Lip said.

"Ew, not Father Pete," Diana said. 

"What's it gonna cost me?"

"Karen and I use your place Friday night?"

"Done."

I made a vomiting noise, which made Lip give me a dirty look.

"Father Pete, the groper?" Fiona asked.