Gold Dust Woman- Lip Gallagher

i will fuck you up!

The next day was the party, and we all got dressed and headed over. 

"Mayo, Diana, there you are!!" V said, hugging us.

"Hey!" I said, looking around, "Ooh, hard cider!"

I grabbed some hard cider, pigs in a blanket, and cold cuts when I saw Steve enter the party with his wife. She was gorgeous. Like Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima level stunning. 

"Holy crap," Diana said, "That's Steve's wife?!"

"Yup," I said, still dumbfounded.

The two of us walked over to Kev, V, and Fiona, catching onto their conversation. 

"You really did him in the bathroom?" Kev asked, making me and Diana laugh.

"No, I didn't!" Fiona said defensively, turning to her friend, "Oh, thanks, V."

"You said she did him in the bathroom."

"I said she almost did," V said.

"Why'd you tell him anything?" Fiona said.

"She's my wife. She has to tell me," Kev said.

"Hey, I don't have to tell you shit," V said sassily.

Diana and I just laughed, continuing to walk around the room and engage with guests. I caught my dad and Jenna talking to Karen and Jody. Jenna had a fake smile on, and my dad had his normal displeased look.

I drank and ate some more, when I heard Diana say, "Oh, you've gotta be shitting me."

I turned and saw Lip walk in.

"Why would he even come to this?" Diana said.

"Because he's stupid," I said, finishing my cider and going to get another glass, "He wasn't even invited, you believe that?"

"Geez, it's like he wants to keep hurting himself," Diana said, taking the cider bottle from me, "And I think you've had enough."

"Ok, mom," I said, rolling my eyes. 

Sheila then banged a spoon against a glass to get everyone's attention.

"I'm sorry that I didn't make it all the way down the stairs today," Sheila said, "But baby steps."

"That's right, Mom," Jody said. 

"Oh, my Karen, my baby, all grown up," Sheila continued, "I so wish your father could've been here today. I wish he could've seen you, our sweet girl, all grown up."

"Sweet, that's an interesting adjective," I mumbled to Diana, making her stifle a laugh.

"Hey!" my dad whispered, shaking his head at me. 

"And I know he would be so proud of his grandbaby, no matter who the father was, except Frank," She said, "He hated Frank."

Everyone laughed uncomfortably. Every time I thought of that, I wanted to scratch my eyes out.

"But it couldn't be Frank because there wasn't any penetration."

Oh, Sheila. Sweet sweet Sheila.

"Eddie hated penetration," she went on, "He had a funny bump on the side of his penis that we thought was cancer. But it turned out I was just being too rough on him, so. There's been some obstacles and some pitfalls, but she's made some wonderful friends along the way. Like Lip and all of the Gallaghers! And Mayo and her stepsister. Both gorgeous girls, by the way."

We smiled awkwardly and gave the thumbs up. Karen looked over at us, and I lowered my eyes at her before turning my attention back to Sheila.

After a few more words, Frank's mom spoke up.

"Jesus, is that bitch ever gonna shut up?!"

"And Frank's mother," Sheila said, "We're just so honored that you're here even though you weren't even invited. And not really honored because you're a convicted felon. But you're out now, why did they let you out? Because you're a loud, mean, vicious bitch."

Oh, shit. Here we go. 

"Ok, Mom, let's open presents!" Karen said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Why don't you do yourself and everyone else a favor and shut up?" Frank's mom said.

"Have I offended you?? In my home, where you're an interloper?"

"No one wants to hear it, you fucking windbag."

They continued to fight, and Frank was just standing there, not doing anything.

"And I don't know how an angel like that man could've come out of your poisoned womb!!"

Did she really just refer to Frank Gallagher as an angel? That's a new one.

"Shut up, you batty bitch!!"

"You know what? You've got a demon's mind and a devil's womb and heart. And your coochie smells of brimstone and sulfur!!"

I covered my mouth, trying not to laugh at that last part.

Before my dad could even say anything about me laughing, Grammy Gallagher stood up. 

"I will fuck you up!!"

Frank's mom pulled out a gun which escalated everything quickly.

"Fuck!!" Diana said.

"Shit!" Fiona said.

"No!" Steve said.

As she was about to shoot, Steve got in the way, and the bullet was aimed at the ceiling. Diana and I were holding onto each other, and I could tell she was horrified. Jenna was even more horrified, and she took Blake and ran out of the house, my dad following suit. 

A few minutes later, cops came to the house. Since Tony was there, he was able to shoo them away.

___________________________________________________________

Diana, Blake, and I walked through the front and into the Gallagher's right before daycare started and heard Fiona on the phone.

"Hey, Jimmy, it's Fiona. I just wanted to say go fuck yourself!" she said.

"Jimmy?" I said, "Is that another married man you fucked?!"

"Long story," she said, walking into the kitchen, "What's all this?"

"A new laptop," Debbie said happily as she stood next to her Grammy. 

"Christmas in August?"

Before she could answer,  Kev and V came in through the back, "Ethel and Jonah are gone."

"What?" Diana and Fiona said. 

"Did she say anything to you, Debbie?" V said.

"No."

"Malik? What time does he show up?" Kev said.

"In about an hour," Debbie said.

"Are you sure they didn't just sleep at their grandparents' or something?" Fi said.

"Ethel packed everything, baby stuff too."

"Ok," I said, "She's 14 with a baby, she couldn't have gone far, especially with no money!"

"It was those evil Jesus witches," Kev said, "They took 'em, I know it."

"We should call the social worker," V said, "See if they can get the cops looking."

"If she shows up, call us."

Kev and V left abruptly. I hoped they found her soon, and I hoped she was ok.