Not by choice {COMPLETED}

Epilogue

The sky that night seemed so dark, like all the stars in the world had suddenly vanished, my mate died that night, there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

Despite the paramedics best efforts, Deku was declared dead by morning, Shoto never got to Toga, she slipped away into the alleys, but he knew before I did, he knew that Deku was gone.

He must have, surely.

I didn't see him again that night, I bet he couldn't bare seeing our mate being dead, I never thought I could either, I was a mess.

Tears after tears, I never thought I could be such a crybaby, even while I waited outside the operation room, for them to desperately fight a battle that was lost.

I knew it was ridiculous of me to hold the doctors responsible, I had done such a poor job at protecting Deku, why was I holding them accountable?

I nearly killed the doctor that came to announce his death, I was furious, I was angry beyond repair, how could they let him die, but it was more of a how could I let him die.

I wasn't furious with them, I was furious at myself, at my incompetence, I was also afted by the hormones that boiled within me, but they weren't to blame.

Just like the doctors weren't to blame.

"Sir... We tried everything but without a heart, it's useless-"

"TAKE MINE! TAKE MY HEART NOT MY MATE!"

I cried my heart out, wanting them to rip it out on the spot, to give it to Deku, I did not deserve this life, I did not deserve to breathe, but he did, he deserved it.

But they refused, knowing my heart would be useless, they knew Deku had been dead for an hour or so now, that even if I gave my heart up, he wouldn't come back to us.

Us.

It was a word that gave me awful shiverd, a word I never wanted to pronounce.

I loathed it, for a while.

I loathed the baby that grew within me, the bump that grew bigger every month, that reminded me of what I had lost.

I loathed that I had to bury its father, that I was going to have to raise this kid without Deku, I didn't even know if he was going to be born like his father...

Or become the disgusting thing I was, an omega.

It didn't help that I was all alone, that my other mate didn't even show up to the funeral, that Shoto had cold feet and ran off somewhere.

I was stuck being a pregnant omega with no one to support me, no one to help when my pregnant heats came by, no one to tell me everything was going to be okay.

It didn't matter to me, nothing mattered anymore.

I wasn't going to endure this, I was done fighting alone, I was done woth everything.

Until one night, while I was debating on whether to take the whole bottle of acetaminophen that I had for back pains.

I was going to kill myself that night, I was going to put an end to my suffering, to this loneliness, but then I felt it, the child within me, gently kick my belly, as though it was disagreeing with me.

I wanted to curse at it, for making me aware of its presence, of his life being tied to mine, reminding me that Deku had put him in me.

But I couldn't.

How could I kill the last thing that tied me to Deku.

The last thing I have from him.

His child.

OUR child.

Conceived in the love we once had.

And so I pushed through, despite the pain, despite the suicidal thoughts, I continued forward, I even, weirdly enough, reached out for help.

I called Aizawa that night, I cried my eyes out as I told him everything I held within me,all the pain, the anger and the fears I held within.

He listened to me, comforted me, eventually he made me move into his house, saying he couldn't allow me to just bare this alone.

He confessed that Shoto had quit school and had been missing since the day I last saw him, saying that he needed to take time with himself.

It didn't matter to me, he abandoned me, left me to carry this alone, I would never forgive him for that.

The months passed, Aizawa came to check on me often, scolded me once or twice for getting pregnant, but always supportive none the less.

He is the one I called, the night my water broke in his kitchen, the night I feared I was not going to make it.

He drove me to the hospital with no questions, he stayed in the room while I suffered, he was there the whole time, through each contraction, throught each curse I yelled out.

He was there for everything.

I remember it like yesterday, the small cries of my baby, his beautiful pearly eyes, his cute blond bushy tail, his blond fluffy ears.

He looked nothing like me aside from the hair color, everything else was Deku, it was his baby boy, his green emerald eyes and his freckles.

I remember crying so much when I first held him, how my heart felt like I could kill for him, he was my everything.

When the doctor asked what his name was, I smiled and hapilly called him after his father.

"Izuku, his name is Izuku."

I remember seeing a tear fall out of Aizawa's eye, not that he let me acknowledge it as he looked away from me.

But I knew he was proud, I could smell it from him.

I spent the night talking to Izuku, telling how he was going to grow up loved and cared for even if his father wasn't around, that I would be the best parent I could possibly be.

That I would put a lot of effort for him, that he would hopefully never feel the absence Deku left behind.

It's been 3 years since the incident, today is my son's birthday, and since he can walk and talk now, I figured he would like to come see his father's grave.

That's where I am now, putting flowers into his pot, dusting the stone as Izuku puts his own field flowers on the top of the grave stone.

"For daddy." He said with a smile as he looked at me, my heart melting as I gently cupped his cheek.

"For your daddy."

To be continued...

In book 2!

Stay tuned!