German Boy

Chapter 34: Letter

It took me a second to realize that there was nothing written on the red piece of paper. But I think this means that there's something hidden with the color red.

I sighed.

Why the heck is Ven doing this? Hold up, it's not Ven but me. I chose to do this. He left these for the one who will have the guts to find him and I am that one person.

I began searching for something red in his car. But it was all black, brown, and gray in there. And a few green, blue, and yellow stuff that he left.

Tired, I lay down at the back of the driver's seat, leaving out a heavy sigh as I looked up at the ceiling. I want to give up. But I miss him. I want to look for him. I need him. And I know he needs me. If any of these won't help me figure out where he is, I'm sure he left a pretty good reason for leaving.

And that's what I'm looking for.

I went back to my room and waited till the night came. I wanted to go back to Ven's room. But I felt too shy for his parents and his sisters. Especially Taylor. I'll wait until they leave again and that's when I'll go back there.

The next day came and I did it as I planned. I knocked on their door but this time, it was his mom who opened it. "Oh, Jace! Hi there," she greeted me. I smiled at her as she stepped aside, telling me to come in. I followed her to their dining table and she sat on the chair opposite me.

She resembles Ven a lot. Despite her age, she looks like she's still in her mid-thirties. Her nose, her brows, and her smile are very similar to Ven's. "How can I help you?" She asked.

I wanted to tell her that I just came to visit but I realized I have no valid reasons because they know that I know Ven's missing. So I told her the truth. "I know it's too much to ask but, may I see Ven's room?" She looked confused at first, but immediately nodded and headed me to our destination.

"It's funny how he just brought his phone and wallet with him." I nodded to her statement, pretending that I haven't heard of it before. "But I'm sure he can survive, he's all grown up," I said, still searching for anything red.

I faced her when she said, "Ven loves you so much, I'm sure he left something for you. I know your love for him counseled you to be here." She smiled and began walking away. I was confused about how she found out all of those things but it was the least of my concern. I was also wondering if she meant love as a best friend or love as to how Ven and I perceive it.

A red notebook caught my eye so I walked to his study table and opened it.

For Jaraiah Jace

The front page said.

A small sad smile appeared on my face. I didn't notice that a teardrop fell from my eye, wetting the surface of the paper. This is it. I wiped my tears away and walked down the stairs. "May I borrow this for a moment?" I asked Ven's mom.

"It's yours forever if you want it to be," she smiled.

I took a step forward to hug her. My emotions have taken over my actions. I smiled as I opened the door to go back to my room. His mom is supportive. Maybe she read this notebook before so she knows it's for me or maybe Ven told her that she should give me this?

I turned to the second page and began reading.

I don't know where shall I begin. I don't know where you want me to. Well, everything already started... yesterday.

If you're reading this, mom might have handed it to you when she found it in my room, or you found it yourself. However you got this, I'm grateful it's in your arms now.

After reading this, I know you might want to find me. But please don't. I need peace. I need silence. I want to be alone, temporarily. I'm not hard to find. I'm just around the corner. So maybe sooner or later, we'll cross paths. But if ever we do so, don't tell anyone.

I know you so much, Jace. And I know you won't settle until you found me. If you're planning to go on a search for me, don't tell anyone. For now, I don't want to be found.

Don't worry about me. I can handle myself. I assure you, I'm in a safe place. Free from wild animals, kidnappers, ghosts, or some sort of evil people. I should be more worried about you. Don't skip meals. Sleep as early as you could. Don't stay up too late. And don't risk your life searching for me. I'm near you, but it might be hard to get to where I am.

And also, love yourself first before you love me. Don't lose beautiful moments searching for a better one. And don't try to change yourself just for other people to be pleased with you. I know you want to be the best version of yourself. But the best version of you is the 6-year-old Jace. The energetic, playful, and naughty little kid. The one who will never stop until I give her an answer

I'm sorry to say this but, you know my condition already. And now that you finally understand what I'm going through, I can finally distance myself a little. I've always loved you. But my disorder keeps tangling you with my delusions.

I'll come back when I'm ready. When I'm finally sure of what I'm feeling. When I will never doubt you anymore. And I can love you without uncertainty.

P.S.: Don't tell anyone about the things you'll read in the next few pages.

I paused. I don't get it. I'm not in his shoes but, is running away really the solution?