German Boy

Chapter 35: It's Up To You

The next day, I went to Bean Leaf café, hoping he was there but he was not. I stayed there for an hour, waiting for him or at least a thing that could tell me he was once there but I got nothing but bills to pay.

Well, I don't know. Maybe if I dig deeper into that red notebook he left, I'll be able to find him. But what if he doesn't want to be found? Either way, I'm still holding on to that one percent chance that he'll come back running to our house and hug me tight telling me how much he missed me.

Wherever he is, I feel assured he's safe. He's happy. Though alone, I know he can make his own ways, and this... probably even feels better for him. If this is for the best, then I'll let him stay there for a while and wait until he's ready.

Before I left, I looked back behind me, taking a deep breath while staring at the building. It hits differently looking at this coffee shop without him.

I went home, all alone, and sat on our sofa. I turned the television on and America's Got Talent was playing. I was viewing it but I wasn't really watching. I couldn't understand a thing. My mind was completely drawn to Ven.

It feels different without him. These past few years, after every summer, I don't miss him as much as I do right now. Maybe because I was assured he will come back the next summer after. But now, I have no idea where he is, how is he doing, or if he will ever come back. I'm much worried about his mom who I know loves him so much.

I know it hurts so much knowing that your son ran away. It's obvious how she fakes her smiles and happiness when I'm around.

I sighed. I thought this summer would be the best. However, it seems like it's the worst. My mom laughed. I looked at her and she was looking at the TV. I didn't even notice her presence when she sat beside me.

"You look bothered," she stated, keeping her eye on the television. I shook my head and covered my face with a throw pillow. Pressing it against me as hard as I can to conquer my confusion. Once when I was sure that she can't hear me, I screamed. She still heard some of it but I'm sure it wasn't that loud. When I couldn't take the heat under it and couldn't breathe anymore. I took it off me.

"What's the matter?" She drew herself closer to me.

"You heard about it, didn't you?" I'm not sure if she took it as a statement or as a question.

"What?" She asked, looking so confused. I rolled my eyes.

"Ven's missing,"

"Oh, yeah. Your uncle told me."

"Wait, what? How did he know?"

"Well, he's close to Ven's mom. I'm sure she told him before."

I didn't reply. I wanted to walk out but I would look rude. So instead I stayed there, staring at the TV but was still thinking of Ven.

After a long moment of silence, she spoke. "What do you think? Kidnapped? Or he ran away?" I frowned.

"Kidnapped? Are you serious? I'm sure he ran away. And it seems like his family knows about it too. If they think he was kidnapped they'll call the police to go on and find him and it'll be easy to find him. Our country's not that big anyway. Thus, I found the notebook he left for me-" I cut my words, the moment I realized I was sharing too much.

But I saw a smile appear on her face when she heard my last sentence. She didn't say anything. But when the show was over, she switched to another channel featuring a popular singer from the US cooking in a great kitchen with a lot of food beside her. Then she placed the remote on the small table in front of us. We got this table when I was four. Grandma even bought it. uncle was just too loaded to keep it so we did.

"What's your plan?" She asked, just like Sofia did.

"Plan for the summer? For the next Academic year? For the rest of my life?"

"Will you go searching for your prince or you'll just wait until he's ready to come back?" Woah, she was too frank.

I gulped, nervous and unsure of what to say. I don't like it when our conversations end up this way.

"I don't know," I said.

Despite trying to understand his condition, part of me is feeling the urge to go and look for him. Because I miss him and I'm scared that he'll never come back.

"You know what, Jaraiah, I see how uncomfortable you are when we talk about Ven. So it's hard for me to give you pieces of advice, actually. But my only advice for you is what your grandmother always told me. This world tells you to follow your heart but you must not. Listen to your brain first. Think of the possible outcome of your decision. Your choices will pay a huge contribution to your future life."

She began to pat my back which gave me goosebumps. Was it her hands on my back or her words? Well, she's right. My choices will pay a huge contribution to my future life.

"What do you think is your heart saying? What about your brain? Listen to which one is more responsible." The brain is more responsible. Because my heart is only focused on the current situation but my mind is bringing up the imminent.

If I'll wait for him, there's only fifty percent for him to come back. Possibly, in the future, I'll end up longing for him. But if I begin to search for him, there is an eighty percent chance for me to find him. Possibly, in the future, he'll finally realize he doesn't need to run away but if ever he won't change his mind about coming back, then I'll still feel assured that he's alright.

"Honey, when I was your age, I used to think love will find its way to me. But then I realized, love only comes for those who take steps. The ones who take action. The ones who don't just wait but make sacrifices. Love won't chase you. It won't follow you. But there's nothing wrong with chasing and following love." She smiled. "Whatever your decision is, I'll support you." Then she walked to the kitchen and began to prepare for lunch.

"Do... you think... I... I... I should search for... him?" I asked, unsure if that's what she meant.

"It's up to you."