Charlie's POV
"Brax will be ok without me won't he? Maybe I shouldn't go" I said to Bianca as we were nearing Morag's apartment. Charlie, he is going to be fine! You need to do this" Bianca reassured me. We soon arrived at Morag's and I knocked at the front door. Morag soon answered and was confused by the bag. I'm sorry for this, but would it be alright if I stayed here for a little while?" I asked.
"Yes, of course!" She let Bianca and I in. "Is there a particular reason you are here Charlie?" She asked as she followed us up the stairs. I looked at Bianca, unsure of what to say. Charlie's seeing a therapist in the city" Bianca explained. Morag looked at me, still confused.
"Sid thinks I have post natal depression" I told her. She quickly came up and hugged me.
"What does Brax think about all this?" She asked, breaking away from the hug.
"I don't know...we're not in the best place right now" I nodded, trying not to start crying again. "I think I might go have a shower and get ready for my appointment...Sid messaged me saying the doctor has a spot free this afternoon. Thanks for everything Bi" I hugged my best friend.
"Any time! You call me when ever you want ok!" She said sternly. I nodded before watching her leave. After having a shower, Morag let me borrow her car and I drove to the doctor's office. To be honest I was scared of what she might say or what was going to happen there, but this was something I needed to do. I walked into the small empty waiting room only to find a receptionist smiling at me.
"You must be Charlie?" The woman smiled at me. I nodded. "Doctor Lang is waiting for you in her office...head on in" I opened the office door to find a young blonde lady about my age, filling in some paper work before noticing me.
"Ah Charlie...Sid told me all about you so I cleared my whole afternoon so we could talk" She smiled. "I'm Fiona...its nice to meet you" She stuck out her hand for me to shake. After some introductions and explaining what post natal depression was, I sat down in an armchair across from her. "So from what I can see and what Sid has told me, I am confident enough to officially diagnose you with Post natal depression...I know sometimes that's hard to admit to yourself, but over the next couple of weeks I will do the best I can to help you work through this to create a better wellbeing for not only you, but for your partner, daughters and other family and friends" She explained.
"So is this where you ask me how I feel?" I questioned.
"Not exactly" She gave a small chuckled. "Firstly I want to ask you about Brax...what role does he play in your life, how things have changed since he's been involved?" She asked.
"Brax at first was just a bad guy that I had my mind set on arresting and sending to prison, he was everything I wasn't and in some one a distraction. But I fell for him so hard and for a while there I felt loved and safe. But he was a compulsive liar...that's all he knew how to do to get out of situations" I nodded as I started to explain. "I thought I'd finally get the chance to get over him when he left town, but then I found out I was pregnant and...and he wasn't there. He wasn't there when I needed him" I tried to hold back tears.
"So would you say your life is better or worse without Brax?" She continued.
"I honestly don't know. Without him I...I missed him and I still loved him, but I feel like when he came back into my life and into the baby's life, we were fighting more and more. But right now I can't see my life without him" I looked into her deep brown eyes.
"If you hadn't fallen pregnant do you think that Brax would be in your life now?" She asked curiously.
"Well if I hadn't fallen pregnant with Brax's baby, Hammer wouldn't have kidnapped me or got killed and Brax might still be living up the coast...so who knows" I shrugged.
"When you found out you were pregnant...did you want Brax back or did you want to do this all alone"
"A bit of both I guess. With Ruby everything was different, her father was a bastard who didn't even know about her and who hurt me, but Zoey's father was the man I was in love with and I wanted him there, but at the same time I was still so angry at him for leaving me" I continued.
"Do you still love him?" She asked.
"Of course I do" I smiled before wiping away a few stray tears.
"Do you feel like even though you are with Brax you can still be a diligent police officer despite his criminal history?" She continued with the questions.
"Of course! I mean when we were being secretive and sneaking around there were times where I risked my career for him, but now we've got Zoey and Brax is on the straight and narrow I don't need to compromise myself for him"
"Do you ever feel like Brax is only with you because of Zoey?"
"Brax is an amazing father and I know he loves both Zoey and I...he's not the type of guy to do the whole pretend to be a happy family for the child's sake...he was stuck in the middle of that for his childhood...he wouldn't do that to Zoey" I shook my head. After an hour or two of talking about Brax we decided I was emotionally worn out and it was time to go. She had booked me in for a few more sessions for that week and next week, along with giving me information about support groups, along with a prescription for some mild antidepressants, along with a list of natural alternatives if I chose not to get the prescription filled in. It felt somewhat good to get a few things off my chest about how I was feeling and Brax being in my life, but this was just the first step. I knew there was a long way to go.
