Ruin Me (#2 in the Brotherhood series)

Chapter 30

Zade

I don't think I've ever experienced the feeling of panic. Maybe that's because I've never feared anything until now.

Yet one bullet lodged in the chest of the love of my life and my body shakes with fear. My body moved quicker than my thoughts. The only thing I can remember doing is ripping off my shirt and using it to add pressure to her wound.

I managed to catch Rayna before her body hits the ground.

The black leather blended in with the blood, and honestly if it wasn't for the graze I'm not sure I would have noticed until she actually passed out.

That's my fault. This is my fault. I should've protected her better; It should've been me.

Why wasn't it me?

A gentle hand rests on mine; I don't have to look up to know it's my mother.

"I spoke to a doctor she's still in surgery." Her voice is soft and low. Almost like she's dealing with something fragile.

My nonna offers me a bottle of water but I don't take it. She sits in the chair left of me and my mother sits on the right sandwiching me in the middle.

It honestly suffocating, especially when all I want right now is space.

"Hijo mío, háblame.. por favor." My mother begs me, but I don't respond. (Translation: My son talk to me please.)

All I can see is her practically lifeless body in my arms, and my father ripping his shirt off in hopes to stop the bleeding. All I can hear is the panic in Luco's voice as he calls our medic.

The image of tears running down Jace's face is enough on to make my heart leap, but none of it comes close to the image of blood draining from her mouth.

That feeling that maybe I had lost her, maybe I did lose her.

Maybe loving her was a mistake because the pain I feel in my heart is immeasurable. It's as if my heart has physically begun to hurt. I'm five seconds away from ripping it out of my chest just so I don't feel a thing.

"Forse dovremmo andare a fare una passeggiata?" Nonna suggests. Her eyes are red and swollen from all the tears she's cried tonight. (Translation: Maybe we should go for a walk?)

Everyone seems to be crying or has cried except me. I can't afford to, because if I do I can't guarantee that I'll stop.

The last time I cried was when I was thirteen and before that I'd only cried once and that was at the age of five.

I can't afford to cry now. If I cry the pain I feel in my chest will only intensify.

A doctor from the surgery room bolts out of the doors covered in blood. I don't have to ask to know that the blood on his scrubs belongs to the woman I love.

I take a deep breath and head towards the exit. I'm pretty sure I hear someone call my name but I don't look back. I need to get out of here now before I lose it.

Truth is, if she dies so do I. Maybe not physically, but I'll be good as dead. I know the inside of me will never recover if I lose her, because if seeing her blood is enough to prick my heart. I definitely don't want to be here of a doctor tells me she passed.

I know that will be my breaking point and I'm going to kill him or her.

The warm Miami air only seems to suffocate me even more when I step outside.

"Son, come talk to me." My father beckons me to join him on the bench he's sitting.

I join him and we sit in silence for a while, but the silence is slicing my heart even more.