Him and I

Of kismet and kisses

Rain stared at Phayu. He was unable to utter even a word. He had expected to hear a lot of things from Phayu, but this beautiful confession of sorts was something that disoriented him. He could not take his eyes away from the face of the older man, and his heart was beating faster than it should have. How could he just unhear what he had heard? And how could he forget something so heartfelt? He knew he had feelings for Phayu, so was it fair on his part to keep him waiting, when he knew that, somewhere in his heart, this is exactly as he wanted?

He had never believed in connections between people, knowing that they existed, but never thought that he would that kind of link with someone. He never imagined having someone who would love him, someone who would want him to be first in his life. For him, love was something he never had had for himself, a wispy thought that he could quite never reach. He had never believed in that instant tie between two people who came together through the cosmic connection between them that people called kismet.

He finally looked away from Phayu's face and looked down at his the white sheets of his hospital bed. "I will leave now Rain. Please take rest na? I want you to get better soon. Whatever discussion we want to have about what I told you, let's do it after you are ready to talk to me. I don't want to overwhelm you, okay?" Phayu said, as he looked at Rain, hurting inside at the boy's silence, but knowing he deserved that after leaving without saying a word. He nodded and turned around to leave. "Phi?" a soft voice stopped him. He immediately looked behind him. "Khap?" "Do you believe in kismet?" Rain asked softly.

"Kismet?" Phayu asked, puzzled. "Like fate? Something that was destined to happen?" Rain asked. "Well, considering my family, of course I do," Phayu smiled. "What do you mean?" Rain asked. "Well, according to Uncle Khun, the main reason most of my family has partners only because it was fate, otherwise, they would still have been bachelors," Phayu laughed softly. "So you believe in it," Rain said. "Hmm." "Phi, love is all about fate, you know? Sometimes, we can live our entire life, waiting for that one person who is supposed to walk with us as a partner, and sometimes, we just find them when we are not even looking. I wanted to find love, but when all that happened to Sky and me, I decided that love was something I didn't care about anymore. Taking care of Sky was of the utmost importance, and he needed me more than anything or anyone else in the world did. And falling in love would only take away the care and nurturing that Sky needed. For us, we learnt that we can only trust ourselves or each other. No one from outside could step in."

Phayu's already brittle heart shattered. It was clear what Rain was trying to tell him. And maybe Phayu deserved it. But at that precise moment, all he could feel was like the next breath was stuck in his lungs. He could not breathe, but he held himself together, refusing to breakdown in front of Rain. Rain took a deep breath. "But you did Phi," he said, a stunning smile on his face as he looked Phayu. Phayu stared at him. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Like you said just a while ago, it is not easy to live with our names. But while you and P'Pai had a big and happy family, maybe even the choice of having friends, living your life the way you wanted to, Sky and I never got that choice. You both saw love, and we both never did. You both got freedom, and we never did."

"We both thought very carefully about it, when you both confessed to us the first time on the day of the Inter Collegiate Music Competition. We know we were avoiding you, but we just wanted time to think. But then we met your family. Even as casual observers, we could understand what they meant to you, and what you meant to them. And when we saw that, we knew, whatever happened, you deserved better than us. That's why we left from there. That's why we decided to reject you. But what happened today, and what you and P'Pai said, we know you meant every word. Even though it's hard for us to accept it right away, but this time, I assure you, we will really think about it. We will not avoid you. I don't know what the outcome will be, whether we will be able to be with you or not in the romantic sense, but I do promise, to both of you, on behalf of both of us, that you will not lose us from your lives. Is that enough of a chance for now Phi?" Rain asked. Phayu nodded, overwhelmed and delighted!