Him and I

Of helplessness and happiness

Rain stood stock-still for a moment after the Kiriguns and Suansris left. Then he stormed out of the room. Phayu tried to go after him, but Sky stopped him. "Let him go Phi. Talking to him right now would be useless, and he may say things you may both regret. Rain doesn't angry easily, but when he does, it can be explosive. Leave him be," he said. Phayu nodded, knowing that Sky was right. But he was worried. "Is there anything we can do to make him feel better?" he asked. "Nothing yet Phi. He will come back when he blows off steam," Sky said. Sky went and sat in front of his grandparents. They were still sitting shellshocked after whatever had happened. "Khun Yayi, Khun Pu, are you both alright?" he asked, worried about them.

Khun Anong burst into tears, and Khun Ananda and Sky immediately put their arms around her. "Khun Yayi, please don't cry. You know we all hate that, right? Don't worry about us," Sky tried to pacify his grandparents. He knew they must be feeling terrible, seeing this situation, but he didn't know what exactly to say to them either. After all, their sons were involved, and maybe they were also hurt by Rain's words, so he felt very confused. "I am not going to blame you my babies," Khun Anong said. "Rain was right in whatever he said. If Tharn and Leo do what they said, you both don't have to worry. We will be only to happy to introduce as our son, and not our grandsons," Khun Ananda said, trying to smile, despite his tear filled eyes. "You are always going to be the most precious to us," Khun Anong said, hugging Sky.

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Rain sat with his back to the greenhouse. Just earlier today, he had spent one of the most beautiful moments with some wonderful people inside this very place. And now he sat alone, trying to make sense of what had happened. He had not really expected his parents to be very supportive, but he couldn't have imagined how this whole thing had actually gone down. He had expected recriminations and scolding, but to be called a disappointment by the very people who had never been there for them at any given point of time, came as a bigger blow than he imagined. Relative strangers had opened their home to them, but their own parents had closed the door to a place that should have been the warmest and the most welcoming.

For those stunning moments, when Tharn had been speaking, he had felt such a desperate helplessness, that he had been totally taken aback by it. He had wanted to stay silent, and yet he had wanted to strike out. In his entire 19 years, all that he had ever done was kept his head bowed in front of his fathers and uncles, feeling like a small child every time they had said something. But today, he had felt even worse. He had felt disgusted with himself, because he had been told such terrible things in front of the man he loved. Only one thought had run through his head. 'What if P'Phayu thought what his Dad did? What if Rain lost him? What if P'Phayu decided that Rain was such a burden on him? What if they all felt if he was really a disappointment?' He had worked longer and harder than most people he knew, except for Sky, just for that one small word of praise. But what had he gotten in return. In one last final blow, his father had taken away his self-respect and his dignity, making him more of a victim that Stop and Gun had.

With his eyes closed, he sensed more than saw movement beside him. "I don't want to talk right now P'Phayu," he said, without opening them. "I am not here to talk. Just to keep you company. I will be quiet," Phayu said. He sat next to Rain, both of them sitting in absolute stillness and silence. Almost an hour passed, and finally Phayu's patience paid off when Rain put his head on Phayu's shoulder and sighed deeply. "I felt so helpless Phi," he said softly. Phayu didn't say anything, knowing that Rain didn't need words or empty platitudes right now. He needed someone who would just listen. "I did everything I could to be the perfect son, the perfect person they could present to the society. But in the end, nothing mattered Phi. Just one thing, and years of hard work and trying to achieve goals turned into disappointment. Am I really that useless Phi?" Phayu continued to stay silent, aware that the question was rhetorical and Rain was still venting.