The Losing One || Sirius Black

13. Behind Closed Doors

Sirius Black

Monday, 6th September 1971.

Hogwarts

"How dare you embarrass us in that way!", Walburga screamed at him, "Does this family's reputation mean nothing to you! Running around the castle in red with your little halfblood friend! Disgusting!"

Sirius was in the drawing room at 12th Grimmauld Place with Walburga, Orion and Regulus. They were all looking at him with something similar to hate. Even Reg.

Orion stood up from the sofa the three of them were sat on, "Do you always think only of yourself!? You selfish little brat! Getting sorted into Gryffindor, tarnishing a centuries long tradition just because of some imaginary friendship!", he chimed in with his wife.

Sirius was in front of them, like a criminal being judged in court, "I... I didn't even ask the Sorting Hat—", he tried but was cut off by another round of Walburga's screams.

"You really think they are your friends!? Who in their right mind would want to be friends with you! You selfish, useless, little traitor! You betrayed your own family! You don't deserve to have friends!"

Sirius was now shaking looking pleadingly at Regulus, but his brother's cold expression didn't even falter, "You make me sick. You abandoned me. Running along Hogwarts having fun while I'm stuck here. One day without me and you already replaced me.", there wasn't a hint of emotion in his voice, it was just cold.

Trying to come closer to Regulus, Sirius tripped on the stupid expensive rug with thousands of stupid tassels. He fell to his knees, supporting himself by palms on the ground while looking pleadingly at his brother, "Reg. No... I... I didn't—", but he didn't get to finish his sentence as he saw Walburga and Orion lifting their wands toward him.

Still pathetically trying to reason with them, Sirius pleaded, "No! I didn't do anythi—", but he was cut off once again, this time by green light coming from their wands.

Sirius jolted awake breathing heavily. He often had nightmares, but this one was something else. He tried to get his breathing under control but nothing was happening. It was like little needles invaded his lungs.

"Sirius? Are you okay?", he heard James whisper sleepily, but could not manage to respond due to the lack of air in his chest.

He clutched a hand to the shirt he was wearing, wanting to tear it apart as if that would help his stupid lungs to work properly. Tears of frustration and panic started to form in his eyes as his hand was now above his heart, trying to clutch at it in a desperate attempt to slow it down. It beat so rapidly that he thought it would rip the thin fabric of the night shirt instead of him. His forehead was drenched in sweat, same as his palms.

"Sirius?", now James' voice was a bit louder, maybe even with a hint of panic, but everything started to sound kind of distant. Like he was entering some imaginary universe. His vision got a bit blurry as well, but he could decipher the curtains being ripped open.

He felt James jump onto the bed, "Sirius! You're okay, you're okay. Just breathe with me. In and out.", James tried to demonstrate, "Slowly, come on, in and out. Yeah, like that. In and out..."

Finally, some oxygen was entering the lungs, his vision returning to normal as well as hearing. Sirius saw James in front of him, with his hands on both of Sirius' shoulders and glasses askew. He could see the boy's concern.

When he finally got his breathing under control, they were quietly just looking at each other. This was one of the rare moments that Sirius wasn't the first to break the silence, "Are you okay?", James asked him and he could now clearly detect panic in the boy's voice.