The Losing One || Sirius Black

52. Marauders

Remus Lupin

Wednesday, 7th March 1973.

Hogwarts

"That you are a werewolf.", Sirius said to him and Remus could swear that the whole world changed in an instant.

It was such a drastic change. The one which he was not ready for. Not at all. Everything that he worked so hard for was pointless now. Every homework he did. Every exam he passed. They were all pointless because they knew. His whole life slipped out of his fingers in mere seconds and there was nothing he could do about it. It was just over.

It didn't matter that he was one of the best students in first year or that he was working on being one of the best in second year. It didn't matter because Remus was going to board the first train back to London. If he was even lucky enough to do that.

Maybe the rest of the school already knew? Maybe students wrote to their parents who wrote to the Ministry of Magic that a werewolf was at Hogwarts. Maybe the Aurors were on their way to take him to Azkaban!

Remus didn't know much about Dementors, but he knew enough to not want to see one. Or worse, be guarded by more than one in a dirty cell while he ate scraps of food to survive.

Are there even werewolves in Azkaban? Maybe the Ministry will just execute him immediately? Maybe Remus has to pray to even be offered the luxury to go to Azkaban? What if there is some special prison for werewolves who tried going to Hogwarts? Oh, Merlin... maybe there is a silver cell waiting for him. Maybe the whole prison is made of silver and not just his cell. Will he even be able to survive there—

"Remus?", Sirius whispered and Remus snapped back to the current moment. He was still on his bed and Sirius, James and Peter were still standing in front of him.

They were staring at him. They were scared of him. They feared him.

He stood up abruptly, purposely on the opposite side of the bed from them. He took a couple of steps back until his back hit the wall, trapping him there. He tried to put as much space between him and his friends as possible.

Friends.

How stupid was Remus to even thing that someone would want to be his friend. Especially someone like Sirius or James or Peter.

He felt trapped. The dorm that once brought him peace now seemed filled with thorns that were slowly wrapping around his body, making it harder and harder to breathe.

They were just looking at him. Judging him. Being disgusted by him.

Remus' breathing started to skip. He started taking shallow breathes which just weren't enough. What was happening to him? He never experienced something like this before. He just wanted to disappear inside some dark hole where no one could find him or look at him ever again.

"Remus?", Sirius took a step towards him, around the bed.

Remus abruptly moved from the wall and towards his desk. His lower back collided with the wooden surface, making a couple of books fall to the ground.

His breathing was still uneven making his every second breath skip. He felt like he was their prey, like they wanted to skin him alive. Remus got ahold of the wooden surface while still being turned towards Sirius.

"Remus? Are you okay?", Sirius asked him and Remus tightened his grip on the desk. Why would Sirius ask if Remus was okay? Was Sirius playing some kind of mind game with him? Maybe they were trying to stall him before the Aurors arrive?

The breathing got more out of control. Now, Remus was only able to take one breath every three tries. He felt sick. The room started spinning, like he was on some rollercoaster. Maybe they have rollercoasters in Azkaban?