The Losing One || Sirius Black

23. Smiling More

Remus Lupin

Friday, 31st December 1971.

Lupin Cottage

Another year, another month and another full moon. To Remus, ever since he started Hogwarts, it seemed like the time periods between full moons were just shorter and shorter.

It was probably because his days were now fulfilled and he looked forward to each and every one of them. From the moment he met James, Sirius and Peter it was like every day became the best day of his life. Yes, those friendships had some disadvantages like having to wake up at five in the morning because someone decided that it would be fun to put a sneezing powder on every single desk and table in Hogwarts or like having to freeze his nose and ears while watching the Quidditch game in the middle of December, but it was mostly amazing.

It was a whole new experience for Remus. He never had any friends or siblings to share his ups and downs with, happiness and sadness, excitement and boredom. It was truly beautiful.

Him having the opportunity to spent Christmas at his friend's house was still amazing to him. If someone had told Remus five months ago that he will have three new people to get gifts for Christmas, he would think that you were insane.

Who would want a present from some boring, book-loving werewolf who cared way too much about school? Granted, they didn't exactly know that Remus was a werewolf, but they had seen his mood switches and still stayed friends with him. And still wanted to spend Christmas with him and exchange gifts with him.

Just thinking back about the Potter's Christmas party and boxing day brought a smile on his face. That was one of the biggest differences ever since he met all of them. He smiled a lot more. He would smile just thinking about them. Just at the thought about the four of them sitting in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room. Remus would catch himself smiling even before and after his transformations which never used to happen.

Whenever he closed his eyes, the Potter Manor would appear in his mind. The kind Mr. and Mrs. Potter and him, James and Peter eating shortbread cookies while playing wizarding chess. The memory held a hue of emptiness due to the lack of Sirius, but maybe next year the new memory could be complete and perfect with the four of them.

There it was again, the big smile just before Remus was about to transform and break every single bone in his body. He just couldn't help it, the happiness was always way too strong.

Although, with the first bone cracking in his left shoulder, his smile faltered. Mr. Lupin had put the silencing charm on the basement, but somehow Remus still felt like his screams would be heard. He always tried to keep them in, to kill them inside his throat.

But now the first rib cracked. Remus let out a choked scream, still trying to keep it together even though there was no one to see or hear him. If he just let the transformation be, it felt like he was giving up, like he was surrendering to the wolf inside of him.

With every second that passed, another rib cracked, finally making Remus scream without stopping the sound. The boy still tried to fight it, to keep from letting his consciousness be fully defeated and put to rest for hours, but like always, with the feeling of his spine cracking and reshaping, the wolf had won yet again.

* * *

Saturday, 1st January 1972.

Lupin Cottage

It was always a bit of a surprise how he would wake up. Will it be on his stomach with a broken arm or will it be curled up in a random corner with just some cuts and bruises. Unfortunately, it was always up to the wolf to decide that part and it usually wasn't the latter.