Selfish Love

Chapter 30

Jordan

I never ever thought Andre and Judy would actually end up together, even after hearing about their engagement, I highly doubted they'd end up together, especially knowing Judy and I had a little situation going.

But for the past weeks since we had that little fall out, neither of us has spoken to each other, and I don't know why but I keep hanging around Jack more often.

Maybe I'm doing it to spite Judy, or maybe it's just something that's bound to happen.
And now she and Andre have been going around playing couple, it's not supposed to bother me but it is.

Andre is my friend and I'm not even supposed to feel threatened or envious of him over Judy, even though I know Judy and i already had something going on before Andre.

That night she peeked into the room Jack and i were in, I didn't even know what I was thinking when I looked her dead in the eyes and didn't stop, I knew it would hurt her but I just didn't care or maybe I didn't wanna care.

I'm not a fool, I know Judy likes me, more than she let's on but I already made it clear that I can't give her what she wants.
A relationship and all that rosy shit.
I already have something going with Jack and personally I don't wanna ruin it.

No one would ever understand our dynamic, just us.
He gets me more than anyone ever does.
He doesn't freak out when he wakes up and find me in his bed as a guy, not like other people I've been with, especially girls.

Most of them when they wake up the morning after sex and find me as girl in their beds, they freak out and look at me like I'm some kind of freak.

I remember the first time Jack realized that I had powers and my powers had something to do with being bi gender, I never expected him to react the way he did.
I was used to people giving me weird looks and distateful stares, but Jack didn't do any of that, he was so cool with it and even told me that he didn't mind if I was a goat or a cat, that so long as I was always me, he liked me like that.

Most people will see Jack as a dick but he's not that to me.
He's quite different around me.
With him i feel safe and I can be myself.

And before you ask, no he's not gay, he's very much attracted to only girls, I'm actually the one with sexuality problem.

I mean I've been with guys and girls but I still can't decide which I prefer more, I like Jack, a lot but I'm attracted to Judy.
I can't even explain it.
It's like I want her but I don't want her, it's all so confusing to me.
There's this thing about her that always has me wanting more.

When we had that fall out weeks ago, I promised myself that I will stop whatever it is we were doing, because I didn't want to keep doing that if I can't give her what she wants.
But here I am again on my way to her dorm room, just days after she and Andre came out officially together.

I want her in ways I've never wanted anyone before, guy or girl.
Not even Jack.
There's a reason why I'm still with Jack after this long, it's because he likes me for me and doesn't judge.
But Judy I can't pinpoint why I so badly wanna be with her, or why since few days ago whenever I see her with Andre I get pissed off and angry, or why I'm trying so hard to get her attention and make her jealous.

I don't have a reason why I want Judy, I just know that I do.
And I know she's not comfortable whenever I turn into a girl around her, but what she doesn't understand is that it's still me, I just have a pair of boob, different haircut and a vagina, I'm still Jordan regardless of whoever I choose to change into.