Selfish Love

Chapter 36

Judy

What was I thinking going to his place, God I was such a fool.
We had sex again, and argued after.
The same sequence and yet he still chose Jack over me.

I left my boyfriend at his house, lied to him just to go see another guy, this other guy being his friend, I let him touch me and I enjoyed it, only to have him tell me straight to my face again, that he would never see me as anything more than just a quick fuck.

It hurt so bad thinking about it.
Andre doesn't deserve any of this, this is not fair at all.
But the funny thing is I can't stop myself, I tell myself I won't fall for it but every fucking time I end up in his bed, like a total idiot.

And the worst of it is, I still like him, hell I think I have feelings for him, feelings I know he'd never return back.
What I don't feel for Andre, I feel for Jordan.
God I'm such a messed up bitch

I walked straight to my dorm room and entered before shutting the door behind me, I quickly start taking off my clothes before dropping it in my bin full of dirty laundry.

I smelled like him, I smell like Jordan.
I need to wash him off me, if Andre even gets a whiff of this He'd know.

I entered the bathroom and turned on the shower, I step under it and squirt some soap before rubbing it on my body, at least that'll erase every scent of him from me.

Why the hell am I still having sex with Jordan and why am I enjoying it, every single time?
I shouldn't enjoy cheating on my boyfriend but I am.

I'm such a bad person.
I'm the worst
If I knew I was going to keep doing this, I shouldn't have agreed to date Andre, if he ever finds out about this, it's going to kill him.

Why the hell do I like someone that doesn't even like me but I can't bring myself to like the one that's had a crush on me since freshmen year highschool.

Don't get me wrong, Andre is my best friend and I like him but not enough to stop seeing Jordan, not enough to feel guilty about having sex with him.

Whenever I'm with Jordan, it's like nothing else exist, I only ever come to my senses after we finish having sex and the arguing starts

It's like I'm being charmed, or hexed or something.
I just can't wrap my head around it

Trust me I've tried to just push this whatever it is I'm feeling for Jordan in the dept of my mind but I can't.
Everytime he tells me it can't happen, it only intensifies what I feel.

I turn off the shower and step out before tying the towel around my body.
I walk out of the bathroom and pick out fresh set of clothes.

I put it on and my phone starts ringing, I pick it up and check the caller ID, it's Andre.
My heart rate spikes up and I do a little breathing exercise, it's okay Judy, he doesn't know.
He's just calling to check up on you

I click on answer and put it to my ear, I hear shuffling on the other side before his voice comes on.

"Hey baby, are you asleep already? did I wake you up"? He rushed out making me smile

"No not at all, I just went to take a quick shower before going to bed, what about you"? I whisper and he chuckles

"Just here, I can't sleep, I miss you Judy" he muttered making me swallow the lump in my throat

"I miss you too" I whisper

"I wish I was there with you right now, you know I can still come over right, it's not too late and I promise I'll wake you up early so you can go to class" he muttered and I shake my head before I realize he can't see me