Arrangement : with the gang leader

37

To say that Ade was pissed would be an understatement. After Shadow left the room and everyone processed what just happened, eyes shifted to me. They felt heavy on me so I just looked down and didn't say anything. Besides, what could I say to that? 

T was in Ralphs arms crying, probably thought that was it for her. I mean, a part of me thought so too. It was my first time seeing Shadow in that state. Now knowing that he's a gangster you'd expect that that kind of behaviour from him would feel normal but it felt so wrong. 

It could just be me trying to see the best in people even when it's clear as day that they aren't. Gumbi looks at me and I can feel him sort of judge. 

"Do you have something to say?" I ask him, annoyed. 

He's been acting so weird. I know the last time we saw each other it wasn't under the best circumstances and that I sort of threw away our relationship when I found out about their line of work but he should understand - he's a gangster and I am a woman of God with trauma. 

I love them but I can do that from afar. I can't just be around them and pretend like I don't know what they do while still attending church and calling myself a woman of God. Do you see how contradicting that sounds? It just wouldn't feel right. I don't know how T does it. If it works for her though - which, clearly it does - then good on her. 

"Mxm" he says and walks away. I follow him. 

"Hey, I'm talking to you! I'm trying to be so mature about this whole thing but you're acting so childish. Like what the heck Gumbi?" I say grabbing his arm turning him to face me. 

His jaw twitches as he gives me this intense, yet annoyed look, as I talk. 

"Lerato, please. Not now." He says trying to get away again. 

"No, now Gumbi. What's your problem?" I say, and he scoffs. 

"You. You're my problem. Now can I leave?" he asks, looking me dead in the eye.

"Me? What did I do to you? You flippin lied to me our entire friendship and expect me to just be okay with that?" I ask raising my voice at him.

He pulls me away. He probably is avoiding other people hearing our conversation. I should be going to talk to gogo and apologising about what happened just now but I'm here sorting a grown ass man who can handle his own. This shit is so annoying. 

"Lerato, you don't get it. Even now you just don't fucken get it." he says shaking his head. 

"Get what? That you're being unreasonable right now? We don't have to be buddy-buddy but I expected you to be more neutral about this whole thing. At least just for this week then we can just go back to not talking and so forth but nooo you guys just want to be all dramatic and ruin things" I say getting frustrated.

This is why I didn't want to be in the same space as them. I knew things like this would occur and I wouldn't know what to do exactly. I knew that they wouldn't be as cool. I knew that one way or the other a fight or argument would break out between us for some reason. 

"Hhay man, lalela la ntombazane. You know we weren't just friends. You were practically my sister, Lerato. And you threw all that shit away because of what you heard? Did we not mean anything to you? You just decided to throw us away like we were mere pests in your lfie and you expect me to be cool with that?" he shouts.

"You are gangsters Gumbi!" I yell back and he covers my mouth hushing me. I calm down and remove his hand from my mouth. 

"Please, shout it out a bit louder. I'm sure the neighbours didn't hear you clearly enough." he says, sarcastically. 

"I'm sorry" I say, looking down. 

"For what exactly ?" he asks, jaw clenched. 

I sigh. 

"Gumbi, you have to understand. I -" he cuts me off, "No, I don't understand and never will. Have we ever put your life in danger? Did you ever feel the weight of what we did? Did we treat you badly?" he says. 

"No, but that's not the point" I say getting frustrated. They just don't get it. 

"Then what is it?" he asks.

"Family doesn't give up on each other, never mind in the speed that you did." he adds.

"I know. I just-" I say.

"You just what" he asks, interjecting. "You just don't want a gangster as a brother miss perfect? You don't even know how I got here and yet you're already judging. You think people just wake up and choose this life?" he says, with so much hurt on his face that I start to feel so bad. 

I never considered that. I know it's not everyone that actually just choses to be a gangster. However, there are people out there who do get into that life by choice. That on its own is a scary reality. 

"Gumbi, I'm sorry okay. I never thought about it like that" I say as a tear rolls down my face. 

"Yeah, I'm sure you are." he says scoffing. 

"I am. This is hard for me too. You think making the decision to distance myself from you guys was an easy decision?" I ask, as more tears roll down my face. 

He sighs, "You should have been decent enough to have that conversation with me Lerato. We talk not just cut each other off." he says bringing to an embrace.

"I'm sorry" I say, again. 

"Just give me some time" he says, letting go off me and walking away. 

I remain in place and just stare at his back as he leaves. 

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Hey MissyGang! I know this is a short chapter in comparison to the one I've been releasing lately but I just wanted to give y'all something at least. 

I won't lie, lately I've been feeling like stopping. I just feel like my writing is not good enough or that I'm not writing enough. Or on some days I just feel like what's the point anyway. 

Idk, just sharing my thoughts. Anyway, hope y'all still good.