Arrangement : with the gang leader

50

I didn't get far with stomping my way to the car to disappear from everything and everyone because he ran after me and held me. We fought back and forth for a while until I gave in and just continued whaling in his arms. 

"You can't drive like this. You can be mad at me all you want but don't do stupid things." he says and his voice sounds so raspy right now. 

I just let him be and he carries me back into the house.

"We'll speak about this properly in the morning." he says and I get a glance look at T and she looks hurt but she just turns away and goes into her room, shutting the door behind her. 

I don't blame her. We're supposed to be best friends but I kept this from her. I just didn't think it was necessary to bring that part of my past into our business. And I had to keep it a secret for the most part. To let things of the past to remain in the past. 

He tucks me in and cuddles me and I just let it be. I'm just so over this whole life thing at this point.

The next morning, I wake up to Damien looking at me. 

"You're being creepy." I say and move away from him and he just smiles. 

"You're so strong." he says and I look away from him. 

"I'll protect you. And I'll earn your trust. No matter how long it takes." he says. 

"Damien-" I start. 

"No, it's okay. You don't have to say anything. We'll get through this together. " he says and I just nod because it didn't seem like he was really ready to listen to me. 

We left the room together and made our way to the kitchen. Of cause we brushed our teeth and washed our faces, don't be nasty. 

"Hey" I said to T, as we walked in. 

She just looked at me and walked away. I followed her to her room and pushed the door open before she could shut it in my face. 

"Can we talk, please." I plead with her and she just turns to look at me. 

"I thought we were sisters. I told you everything about me. We've been through so much together and yet you still can't trust me with all of you. Am I not enough Lerato?" she asks, and this breaks my heart because she is enough and has always been. 

"You are. I didn't tell you about all this because I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. It put so many peoples lives in danger at some point. I trusted my brothers enough to tell them about it and look where that landed me? With one brother now and it fucked my family up. They had to go through so much because of me. I just couldn't put you through the same thing." I say and she shakes her head. 

"You didn't have to go through that alone Lerato" she says. 

"I didn't want you to be next in case anything happened. He's capable of so many bad things Lerato. That's why sex is so traumatic for me. When he raped me for the first time I was a virgin. That's why I told you I was a virgin when I was with Nyanga. It still felt like I was even though I had been raped so many times by him." I say. 

She starts crying and falls to the ground and I sit next to her by the bed. 

"My tears went to deaf ears. All the time. I could do nothing but just cry about it. With Nyanga I thought it would be different but I kept having flash backs and it didn't help that he wasn't patient. It still hurt so bad." I say. 

She continues to sob, looking at me but I just continue to vent. 

Talking to Damien and her was the first time I ever really spoke about what happened to me. I told my brothers but it wasn't in detail. I didn't really have to say much to my brothers because the evidence of my trauma was written all over me. 

"I couldn't leave Nyanga because he was a lighter version of my ex. He didn't abuse me as much and for the first time, it felt like I was actually experiencing love. He wasn't as bad as what i had known. Abuse became the only form of love I knew and understood." I say. 

I have no tears left in my to cry but my heart still breaks a little at how broken I actually am at such a young age. 

"I tried to get away. Multiple times but that's when he began to hurt the people I love. He hurt my then best friend and she disappeared. Then he went after my parents and my brothers told me everything would be alright but then he finally caught me."

"Lerato-" she hiccuped. 

"No, let me finish." I say. 

"My brother came to the rescue and he succeeded but he paid the ultimate price for my freedom. He paid with his life. That broke my family. I will forever blame myself for it because had I not involved myself with a man in his mid twenties at the age of sixteen then none of that would have happened." I finished. 

"You didn't know" she says. 

"But i could have done something. I could have just given in and then maybe he would still be here. He was Thabangs twin. I say and she shakes her head. 

"He wouldn't speak to me for months. My mom- I -" I couldn't even finish my sentence without crying. 

"It's okay. We're here now and you don't have to do this alone." she says and we cuddle. 

"I though we got away T. We moved and did so much to get away. I thought we were finally free but no. He just always has to have his way." I say and she rubs my back. 

"We'll get through this. We will. And I don't blame you. I know you think I do. I don't and know that koko would never blame you for such. You're a victim Lerato. I love you, we all do and we're here for you and your family. We ARE family. Through everything, okay?" she says and I sob in her arms. 

"She's right. We're family through and through." Damien says from the door and then walks away.

_______________

Hey babies! 

Three inserts in one day? Woah, who's this? Lmao

I hope you guys enjoy these. Let me know what y'all think and who you guys think is behind everything. Do you guys believe Lerato? What's going on with Ralph? Where is Candice? And where did Nyanga, Lerato's abuse ex, disappear to after they beat him up?

There's just so much to unpack!!! As we near the ending of the book I would just like to give a BIG thank you to everyone who has been a part of this journey with me and I hope you guys continue to support my work. 

Hopefully I get to post the first coupe of inserts of my next book this weekend! I'm so excited. Anyway, enjoy bo baby. 

Yours truly

Miss Kay