Pickle for your thoughts? (Dungeon meshi x reader)

The beauty of eating

(I HIGHLY raccomend reading from chapters 69 to 73 to understand this chapter here because there are gonna be an UNGODLY amount of SPOILERS. Seriously, I don't want that a fanfiction spoils you one of the turning point of DM. You have been warned.)

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This way
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"What did you want to be when you were small?"

The question had caught you off guard, you opened one of your eyes, which immediately fell on Thistle's violet ones "What?" you couldn't help but vocalize your confusion. Tan hands stopped running through your hair as the cherry petals slowly fell from the tree above you, torn from the branches by the sweet summer wind.

"You didn't want to be this. . .Im sure of that. No child wants to become something like you"

You had no idea whether the elf, whose lap you rested your head on, was referring to when you were a criminal or the fact that you were a knight. No matter what though, it wasn't like you'd really had a choice either way. Ok maybe you had a choice about being a criminal but truth be told . . .why did you do it? What was your original motivation?

"I do not know"

Thistle lowered his head to meet your gaze, both of your eyes open as you looked above you, but not at him. They seemed lost in space, lost in the pink roof that covered you both. “I don’t know,” you repeated, your hands folded over your stomach in a relaxed position.

"Are you serious? You really didn't know what you wanted to do when you grew up? Open a shop, continue your father's work, travel around the world. . .why did you decide to start stealing?"

Right… why?

Always this question.

Now that you think about it, you never had any idea what you would become when you grew up. You had no particular dreams, no particular goals, no particular plans. Until your adolescence, you were just worried about having fun and helping your parents like a good child. But the closer you got to being an adult, the more you felt that something was missing.

You didn't know what would become of you.

What were you especially good at? What did you stand out from everyone else? What defined you from others?

What was your life purpose?

You never knew it.

And that fact had made you feel so empty during your entire adolescence. You wanted so desperately to find what made you unique and special that maybe that's why you started getting into fights, stealing and challenging Lady Luck. You were angry at her, you were angry at the fact that it seemed like you were born for no reason.

It was such a stupid thought.

You don't have to contribute to society to deserve the right to live . . .but at the same time, the fact that you felt worthless, that you had no clue who you were supposed to become . . .left you feeling empty. So empty. You wanted to know what it felt like to belong, you wanted to feel what it felt like to be proud of yourself.

You were hungry for a purpose.

Your eyes fell back to Thistle's as you lifted your gloved hand towards his nose and bopped it earning a grimace from him that made you let out a chuckle "You know, I think you and his majesty saved me" the elf raised an eyebrow in confusion, not quite understanding what the hell you were saying "You gave me a purpose" you continued