Good Girl Bad Girl (A Trevor Jackson Story)

43. My Heart Is Broken In Two

  The next morning was the second day of 2015. I woke up late, at the sound of my mom knocking on my door.
"Honey, Trevor's here" she said.
Oh shoot. I forgot about him.
"Tell him to come up" I replied with a tired voice.
I got up from my bed and started to brush my teeth in my bathrooms. I looked awful. I had bags under my eyes, messy hair, a large jogging and a huge sweatshirt as my pajamas.
I heard him coming in and I spit the water in my mouth.
"We'll have that talk in a few minutes, I have to get myself ready"
"Ight" he softly said.
He sat on my bed and watched me lock myself into the bathrooms. I let the hot water run onto my skin as I rubbed my body with soap. I wondered how Trevor would react if he saw me. Would he be turned on ? Would my body still excite him ? Because we knew Trevor rarely slept twice with the same girl. If she was really a catch -like if she had the body of Nicki Minaj or something-, he would. But not with any girl. So what did he want to say if now sex wasn't his goal ? What did he want to say if he achieved it and he had no reason to speak to me no more ? He got what he wanted.
I headed out of the tub and wrapped myself in a towel as I had another feeling of déjà vu ; when are you gonna learn from your mistakes, Maddie ? You forgot your clothes once when he was there, in the room. This is the second time. Start to use your brain a little.
I let out a big sigh as I turned the lock and opened the door. My hair up in a bun, water streaming down my body, I crossed my room to go to my dresser, pretending like Trevor's eyes weren't all up on me. I picked up a dress and underwears then ordered :
"Turn around."
"I've already seen you naked before"
"So ? Turn around."
Trevor finally turned around, still sat on my bed, as I started to get dressed. Yes, he's already seen me naked. But we weren't dating, and I still needed intimacy and I wanted to stay decent.
"This is what I wanted to talk to you about." he started. "I don't understand why you reacted this way yesterday when you left."
"What way ?" I played innocent as I walked and turned my back to him. "Zip me up."
He stood up and zipped up my dress, but stayed close to me after he was done. "Why did you run out so fast ? And why did you say it was a mistake ?"
His lips were close to my ear, almost touching it. He got down my neck, brushing it with his mouth. He grabbed my waist and turned me around. "You look really good in that dress."
I was scared I would give up again. I was scared I would letting myself go again if we stayed in my room : a place with privacy, and a bed.
"Let's go to the park. We'll talk there."

We sat on our bench in silence. We weren't talking since we left my home. Everything changed between us now.
"So, what did you have to say ?" I finally started.
Trevor looked at me, on his right.
"That I'm sorry that you think that way... But I really wanna be with you. I told you, I'm in love with you. You might not believe me and if you don't I'll do anything to prove you that you are the first girl I've ever told that. You can ask to any girl I've slept with, I've never said that to them."
"Trevor, all you ever wanted was sex. That's it, so leave me alone."
"That's not true !"
"Is it ?! Is it, Trevor ?!" I got annoyed. "How much do I bet that the time you threw a coin in that fountain your wish was to get in bed with me ?! Huh ?!" I pointed towards the fountain we were about three months ago, one night.
He seemed surprised.
"Oh you thought I didn't know ? And while I thought you had changed, you brought me back that night from the movies and told me you slept with a new girl. I mean do you really, really think I'm stupid ?" I asked.
He seemed hurt.
"You're the only boy who made me cry. You made me forget about Eric while I really shouldn't because he's a way better guy than you. You're the only boy who fooled me. You made me believe that I had a good influence on you, and that you changed. But you didn't."
"You don't know that"
"I do, actually."
I got up from the bench. "Goodbye, Trevor. See you around."