Fifty Shades Forgiven

Protective arms

Note : sorry that this chapter is short, I've been super busy, I'll make sure the next chapter is a longer one. Just to clarify, any mistakes/typos will be amended at the end, once I've finished this story :) x

Thursday 14th June 2014

At the moment, it feels like each day is getting longer and longer, I am moody and uncomfortable. Sleeping has become a challenge, I'm lucky if I get a couple of hours each night, and it's making me feel guilty. Not only am I being kept up, but I'm keeping Christian up too. He refuses to let me stay up alone, he just sits there and holds me, comforting, loving me. Only a few weeks to go now, and I can't wait. I'm intrigued as to how Christian will be with his daughter, considering how protective he is over me and Mia. He's a great dad, and to think he had so much self-doubt. Suddenly the memory of Ted's first day home draws me back.

"No Ana, I'll do that, you rest" he mutters as he gently sits me on the bed.

"Christian, I can manage" I argue.

"No, you heard what Dr Greene said, no lifting for at least six weeks" he snaps. Oh my overbearing megalomaniac fifty. I am more than capable of fetching the Moses basket into our room, but Christian is overprotective. As usual.

It takes a few hours for us to get settled in, my stitches are starting to feel sore and tiredness consumes me. The familiar sound of my new born baby boy fills my ears. I swing my aching legs from the bed and peer into the moses basket. His little face is linked and scrunched up, and his little plump cheeks are damp from tears.

"No Ana, lay back down, I've got it" Christian interrupts as I am reaching for Theodore. I roll my eyes at him.

"I think he's hungry" I say as I tuck myself back into bed, sitting up as I do.

"Yeah I'm guessing he is" he says smiling.

I watch my husband in awe as his fingers curl around Ted's little head and around his bottom. His eyes light up as he lifts him from his basket, holding him close to his chest. There is nothing more beautiful than the sight before me. Christian really is the doting dad. He's so in love with our son. Who would have thought?

Christian places Ted in my arms, as I remove my breast from my nightgown.

"Got him?"

"Yeah"

Ted curls around me as he latches onto my nipple, he shuffles and wriggles as he turns away, letting go. Why won't he latch on? Isn't this suppose to be a real bonding experience for a mum and her baby. Why won't he let me feed him? I try again and again, he squirms in protest. My heart sinks and the empty space is filled with hurt. Oh Theodore Ray, why won't you let me feed you?

"Hey, it's okay, try again" Christian says calmly as he sits behind me, stroking Ted dainty head.

He supports Ted's head as I attempt to feed him once more. This time, he latches on and begins to feed. Finally! My eyes meet Christian's, they're full of wonder, and amazement. His smile extends into a broad grin as he leans in and kisses my forehead.

"I'm so proud of you, Ana" he says. His voice is sincere. I am stunned. He's taken on the dad role so well, I'm the one who's proud of him. I can't thank him enough for the support that he's given me. I couldn't have done this without him.

"Were both so new to this, and we're both learning together, we're on a new journey, a whole new chapter of our lives. Even after everything, here we are. You're so strong Ana. I love you so much, you never cease to amaze me" he adds. My eyes fill with tears as my heart swells. He's right, were on this new journey, and I am loving the road were on. It's such a special moment in our lives.

"Mia's coming over" Christian mutters with disapproved tone, dragging me from my day dream.

"That's great!" I frown. Isn't it?

"She's coming over to discuss the photographer" he mutters sharply. His name is José, I don't understand why he can't call him by his name.

"Christian that's a good thing, finally you'll both be able to get everything out in the open!"

He sighs heavily, running his hand through his hair. Why is is so stressed? José is a nice guy! I thought we mended these bridges a log while ago. I know this Christian too well. This is sulky Christian, and he's a nightmare to tolerate. His sulks can last for hours, days.

"Listen, Mia knows what she's doing, the more you shoot José down, the closer you'll push her to him, and further from you"

"I know." He sighs.

"What time is Grace bringing Ted home?"

"In about two or three hours" he replies. I really miss him when he's not here. I love it when he cuddles into me, his little warm body close to mine. He's like a hot water bottle.

My eyelids feel heavy and my body has very little energy. As I stand and watch Christian making his tea he turns his sculptured face to see me.

"Ana you look exhausted, you should take a nap" he suggests.

"Christian, I'm fine" I smile.

"Ana you've not slept properly for a few days now. Come, I'll lay down with you." He takes my hand and pulls me into the lounge room, sitting on a couch and pulling me on to his lap.

I wrap my body around him, feeling the heat radiating from his skin. I wrap my arms around his neck and tuck my head into his shoulder as he plays with my hair. This is heaven. This is home. This is my happiness. He just rocks me gently, rocking me into a peaceful sleep.