Fifty Shades Forgiven

Dark Dreams

I roll on the floor in various positions, trying to get myself up. The wooden floor beneath me is starting to feel incredibly uncomfortable, pressing against swollen areas of my body. I rock backwards and then twist on my side, managing to finally stand myself up. Sitting on the floor was not a very bright idea, but Ted needed me join in with his game, as a train conductor. He has such an overactive imagination. That's the special thing about children, they can create a whole new world of adventures, just in their little minds. And to them, it's just as real as anything else in their daily lives. However, I don't suppose that Christian experienced this sort of freedom whilst he was a child. Rather than being blessed with sweet dreams of fairies, Cowboys and unicorns, he was haunted by the torturous memories of his early childhood. He experienced flashbacks that would only exist in a child's deepest, darkest nightmares.

My cheeks are wet and blotchy. Crap, I've been crying, again. My hands wipe away the warms tears as they run down my puffy red cheeks. Why do I insist on upsetting myself with reminding me of the heartbreaking stories of Christians life before he met the Grey's. This is what being a parent does to you. Things like this play on your mind one thousand times a day. The only solace I get from this is looking at my life with Christian now, and seeing how far he's come. In a way, I believe that it has completely impacted the way he is as a parent. He would move heaven and earth to make sure that his children never experienced the pain he had to as a child.

I think that Christian sees a lot of himself in Theodore. To some extent I think that scares him. Christian still doesn't see himself as deserving. If Theodore turned out being even half of the man his dad is, I would be the proudest mother alive. It's a shame Christian can't see it too.

The sound of the front door opening startles me. I glance down at my watch. Holy crap, it's 6pm already. Where has the time gone. As I'm walking over to the crib to check on Ava, cool hands slip around me from behind. I'd know them hands anywhere. They're my fifty's hands. I'd never make that mistake again, not like blonde giant from the honeymoon. He spreads cool kisses all up my neck, sending chills down my spine and awakening areas of my body that have been sleeping. Christians hands slide past me and into the crib where baby Ava is all wide eyes and bright smiled.

"Hello Mrs Grey" he smiles looking up at me as he gently lifts our niece into his arms. "How has it been?" He asks whispering since Ted hasn't noticed his presence.

"They've been brilliant" I smile and lean over, planting a kiss on his lips. Ted's head turns abruptly as he runs over to Christian and I. His arms are stretched out either side of him. "DADDYYYY" he calls. Christian pauses since he's hiding Ava as Theodore wraps his arms around Christian's legs, looking up adoring his father. Fifty's hand gently ruffles Ted's head. I hold my arms out for Christian to pass Ava to me whilst he picks up our son.

Christian reaches out his lips. I stand there watching my boys, interacting. Christian also pouts his lips out to Ted. Ted leans forward but Christian keeps his lips pouted, moving backwards so Ted can't reach. Teasing him playfully. Theodore's pout is replaced with a large smile as he giggles. He has his legs wrapped round Christians abs, hooking them around his back as Ted holds on to his biceps. "No daddy. Kisses!!" My boy says through his fit of giggles. "Okay fine" Christian responds playfully.

Again, Theodore pouts, just like his daddy and leans forward to give his daddy another kiss. Christian moves his head once again sending our son into another fit of giggles. "Daddyyyy!!" Theodore exclaims. He grasps hold of Christian's cheeks and holds them in place and plants a kiss on Christians lips. This time Christian lets him.

Another tear escapes my eye, but this time it's from happiness. I have no idea how I got so lucky but I am well and truly blessed. Fifty's thumb wipes my tear away. "Baby? What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asks frowning with concern. I nod and smile, and his eyes light up. His reply is evident in his expression. He feels the same. He understands
the overwhelming feeling that I do. This is why he's my husband. My soulmate. My fifty.

( please check out my novel 'Love me like nobody's watching' it would mean a lot! Let me know what you think )