Fifty Shades Forgiven

Little Light of Mine

15th June – Mid-Day

Thumping of the large wooden front door drags me out of my escapism. I found myself lost and enchanted by the imaginary world that I had created in my head. The picturesque views. The mythical creatures, all various shapes and sizes, and the characters that you can't help but love. Adventure books aren't usually my tastes, but one of the authors that I am publishing has captivated me with her ability to take all of my worries away with her fictional world. I've never known anything like it.

Easing myself out of the old but seemingly comfortable library chair, I trot along the hall, following the bold voice of Kate, echoing through the house. Of course, I would recognise that voice anywhere, her voice is as soft as silk, yet as hard as a rock at the same time. That's my best friend, alright.

Before I have chance to open the door once unlocking it, Kate pounces in, looking as radiant as ever. Her arms fly around my neck, as she pulls me in to a cuddle.

"Hi Kate" I giggle, holding her waist, to prevent her squeezing me to death.

"Ana I've missed you!" She says brightly. Idly I wonder what's put her in such a great mood.

"I've only not seen you for a few days"

Seconds later Elliott gracefully strolls into the hall with baby Ava in one hand and her baby bag in the other. He places the car seat on the floor as teddy comes running to join us, his short hair flopping as his legs carry him over to us.

"Baby!!!!!" He squeals, exited.

He kneels down to the car seat, it tipping slightly forward from him leaning over it. He pops his head under the hood of the car seat and gently kisses baby Ava on the nose. He adores her, he dotes on her and in this moment, I know that he's going to have so much love for Phoebe. Kate, Elliott and I all look down on our children with pride, grateful for our beautiful family. I can't thank Kate enough for being ill on that day, giving me to meet the bossy, CEO control freak that I can now call my husband. If it wasn't for that, none of us would be here today, with our little blessings. I have fate to thank for that.

"That's enough kisses for Ava Teddy" I say sweetly, sensing that Ava is becoming a little irritated with how full on he is. He does as he's told, silently sitting beside her car seat and holding her hand, not saying a word in fear of disturbing her. My baby boy, so loving and caring, just like his father.

I draw my attention back to the loved up couple before me. Kate cuddles into Elliott as he has his arm around her. Honestly, sometimes they are like a young teenage couple, so in love and besotted by each other. Kate is like a completely different person to the Kate I used to know, who would have thought? Katherine Kavanagh settled down.

"Will you both be coming to Christians dinner party at Grace's on Monday?" I ask, distracting them.

"Yeah I wouldn't miss it for the world" Elliot mimics. Kate taps Elliott on his shoulder for mocking her.

"Elliott stop being an ass and yes Ana of course we will be there" she says smiling sincerely.

"Great! I'll let you both go now otherwise you'll be late! But don't worry about a thing, she will be fine" I say positively, putting her mind at ease.

"And if there is any problems.."

"Yes I'll call you" I interrupt.

"Okay well I'll call you in an hour or so and thank you so much for doing this Ana I do really appreciate it" she says, pulling me into her arms and kissing my cheek.

"See you later little lady" Elliott adds, cuddling me on his way out, closing the door behind them.

I stand at the door and throw my head back and sigh, inhaling a deep breath. Come on Ana, you can do this. I love having baby Ava. I'm just nervous about how I'll cope with keeping her and Theodore entertained. You know what they say, moms the word.

I pick up Ava from her car seat and hold her close to my body, taking Theodore's hand at the same time. As I walk slowly down the hall the heat stifles me, as though I'm being drowned in heat. I tell myself repeatedly in my head to take it easy today, take it slow. Christian would be furious if he thought I was pushing myself too far. That's my over protective fifty.

As Teddy runs into the lounge, he sits down on the floor in anticipation, waiting for Ava. I slowly trail behind him and perch on the couch and hold my gorgeous niece on my lap with her head in my hands. Theodore comes rushing up to stand next to me, gently holding Ava's hand and looking up at me with excitement.

"Play momma baby play" he looks up at me, asking my permission.

"Ava is too small at the moment baby she can play when she's a big girl" I say softly, trying my best to make him understand. I don't wan't want him to be rough with Phoebe once she's here, although I know he has good intentions. He isn't aware that babies are too small and delicate. If I could have it my way, I'd keep them both wrapped up in cotton wool for the rest of their lives, although I'm not as bad as Christian. If fifty had his way he'd wrap them in bubble wrap and have them chaperoned for every step of their lives.

Despite his over protective nature, he is a wonderful father and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Little mumbles of Ted singing 'this little light of mine' to Ava softly dance around my ear. He repeats the line 'light of mine' over and over, looking into her eyes as though there's nobody else around. It's like they're in their own bubble, just the two of them. My eyes fill up as I sit there silently watching him. His hair flopping over his head where he's looking down on her, and his eyes transfixed on the baby before him. I don't know what I did to deserve such a perfect son. He's my everything. And to think, that for a split second when I found out I was pregnant with him, I considered aborting him. What the hell was going through my mind?

Theodore catches me watching him and stops singing abruptly and bows his head shyly. He's so much like Christian. It reminds me of the first time Grace heard Christian singing on the piano, and how embarrassed he was. Like father like son.

"Teddy that was lovely, sing again" I push, but he shakes his head and plays with his cars on the floor, not a care in the world. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable, so I leave him be.

I play with Ava's hand and fiddle with the little golf bangle on her wrist. Idly, I wonder where Kate or Elliott got this from, I'd quite like one for Phoebe. I kiss her head and settle her down in the crib that Christian brought down. He thinks of literally everything. I smile to myself.

A wave of nausea hits me again, I quickly grip the back of the couch, steadying myself. I have no idea what's wrong with me today, but I hope it passes. I don't want to have to call Kate back and ruin her day.

I'm sure I'll be fine. I'll just need to make sure that I don't push myself too hard. I don't want to do any of us any damage.