Searching For Answers (We Can Make This Work sequel)

Chapter 47

Darcy's P.O.V.

Time seemed to stand still for the next couple of weeks, trying to organize Spencer's body to be shipped back and his funeral, things weren't easy.

Moments after Spencer's death Agents rushed the scene and caught two of the men, but they couldn't save Spence. Carrie rang to apologise but I was having none of it, she could rot in a hole for all I cared, this was all her fault.

The only comfort I found was at the end of a bottle and I was a mess, I decided not to go back to work and cut myself off from everyone. When his body finally returned home I decide to finally make an appearance.

I wasn't in the mood for people's pity parties so I showed up for the burial then left and decided to take a seat in a small bar not far from my apartment. After Spencer left for Islamabad I decided to sell the house. It finally sold last week and I found myself a small apartment in the centre of the city.

"Hey Darcy, what can I get you today?" Sal the bar manager asked politely

"The usual Sal" I sighed as I hung my head staring at my hands

Spencer was gone and I was truly alone, I know I had Jacob and he tried his best to be supportive but how can you help someone when they just won't let you? Plus he was busy planning his wedding and I wasn't in the festive mood.

I sat in Sal's for the night, drinking and thinking about everything that's happened since I joined the BAU all those years ago. Was it worth it? Was following my dream worth the pain I put myself and others through? I broke Hotch's heart, my husband was killed and I completely cut off my best friend not to mention falling in love with a criminal who I could never let the thought of him go.

Maybe it's time I visited Casper. Put the past to rest. Was I ready?

"Thanks for that Sal" I nodded as I paid my tab

"See you again Darcy" he smiled

I decided to walk home and curl up on the couch and once again drink myself asleep but as I'm drifting off I hear a soft knock at the door

I pull myself from the sofa and slowly slouch towards the door, opening it to see a familiar face

"What do you want Aaron?" I mumbled standing there so he wouldn't come in

"You left in a hurry and I didn't get a chance to talk to you, I haven't seen you in 2 weeks" Hotch said sadly

"Yeah well now is not the time for catch ups Hotch, just leave, I'm fine" I sighed

"Darcy don't lie to me you're clearly not fine! Have you been drinking?" he asked sternly

"That's none of your business" I growled

"Darcy this isn't you! Why are you giving up? Why are you letting them win?" Hotch said exasperated

"Let who win Aaron? The CIA? The Taliban?" I began to raise my voice "What am I supposed to do? Take them down single handed? Who do you think I am?" I gritted my teeth "It's time I learned how to let things go" I sighed

"You know I'm not talking about any of that Darcy! I'm talking about your demons, the alcohol, the memories! You're letting your past eat you up and I can see that" he strained his voice

I let my guard down and he walked inside. I walked to the coffee table and picked up my glass of bourbon and took a swig.

"What are you doing to yourself Darcy?" He questioned softly

"Oh shut up Aaron! I just watched my husband get killed, what do you expect me to do pretend like everything is ok? Because it's not, and it never will be" I yelled

"Darcy please just come home with me, I can help you" he said softly

"Fuck you Aaron" I screamed as I threw the glass at the wall hearing it smash upon impact "come home with you? Is that all you can think about? Getting me into your bed now that Spencer is out of the picture! You can go fuck yourself and get the fuck out of my house!" I screamed

Hotch hung his head and decided to give up and leave. I fell to the floor in a ball and sobbed uncontrollably. What was wrong with me?