Searching For Answers (We Can Make This Work sequel)

Chapter 51

** Darcy's P.O.V. **
I followed after Hotch that night but he decided not to speak to me, in fact he hasn't spoken to me in 2 weeks. The next day we went back to New York and Hotch threw himself into work as usual and stayed there on the couch most nights. Jacob was off on his honeymoon being none the wiser of what happened that night between myself and Casper. I was beginning to become sick of hanging around at home so I decided to go back to college at NYU and study to become a civil rights attorney. My days in the field were over, but I could still give something back to the people.
One day, after coming home from lectures I finally cracked. He had been working non-stop all week and finally decided to take a day off! We sat quietly at the dinner table, as we have been for the last two weeks, and I finally decided that this was becoming more than ridiculous
"Aaron we need to talk" I finally broke the silence
"I have nothing to say" he mumbled as he took another bite from his steak
"Then at least hear me out" I sighed exasperated "What you saw that night between Casper and I, that was a big misunderstanding and it meant absolutely nothing" I pleaded
"Darcy you don't have to explain yourself to me, what you do with your life has nothing to do with me, we're not together" he mumbled distantly
"Then tell me this Aaron, why are you still here? Why haven't you just left and went back to D.C.?" I questioned beginning to get frustrated
"Because you're my friend Darcy, you've been through a lot and I didn't want to see you go through this alone plus I needed a change too" he said nonchalantly
"So that's it?! We're just friends?" I begin to raise my voice a little
"You know what Darcy, I don't know what we are!" Hotch raised his voice in return as he stood up from the table. "You come back after all those years, you show up at my office, we kiss and we never talk about, I almost watched you die more than I can count and we never talk about it! You lose OUR baby and we NEVER talk about" Hotch began to strain his voice almost sounding like he was in pain
I stand up from the table to meet his demeanour as I feel a lump grow in my throat and tears prick at my eyes.
"Aaron" I whispered with sadness
"No Darcy, we finally make a move, finally make a change, I finally think we're getting somewhere then I see you with him! I saw the way you looked at each other! Darcy how could I possibly compete with the first man to steal your heart and rip it to pieces, leaving you hanging on every move he's ever made!" He said frustrated
"Hotch I'm not going to deny he was a big part of my past but last night was nothing! I never wanted to see him again but he took me by surprise and I had to put the past to rest, Hotch you know what I've been through these last few years, you know it hasn't been easy and I just needed someone to lean on. I know I led you astray when maybe I wasn't ready for a relationship and I should have made that clear but I needed a friend" I choked up as the words came from my mouth
"I know" he whispered sadly
"Then why did you stay?" I replied quietly
"Because I love you" he whispered
Hearing those words sent me spiralling and I didn't know how to respond, I wasn't ready for this, I wasn't ready to repeat our past but for some reason I've been waiting to hear those words for a very long time
"But you already know that, don't you? You've known it since the day you broke up with me, the day you decided to go into that warehouse after Foyet, the day that our whole world was torn" he hung his head
Hearing this sent me straight back to those days, the warehouse, the torture, the loss of our child and consequently the rest of our future together, but those memories also brought a great deal of anger
"Are you kidding me? You're actually going to bring this up now?" I clenched my jaw holding back the tears
"Darcy listen to me" Hotch spoke a little softer now, noticing he hit a weak spot
"Listen to you? How am I supposed to listen to you? How am I supposed to trust anything you say! YOU brought that war against Foyet, YOU followed that case when you could have left it, YOU split away from me, and when I got home and all I needed was you, but you turned away, you couldn't man up to what was evidently your fault!" I hissed
"How are you supposed to trust me?" he questioned exasperated as he began to raise his voice "because of everything we've been through together!" his voice strained once more "You've been almost home 2 years, 2 years I've been right here! 2 Years waiting for you to just open your eyes to see that I'm right here! And that I'm more than just your past! Every day I had your back in those cases, every day I rang you just to put a smile on your face because I think you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I've ever met and I love you Darcy and if that means anything you'll try! You'll try forgive me, you'll try to see that you love me just as much as I love you" he begged
At this I had finally heard enough. I ran to Hotch and embraced him with as much love as he felt for me. I never knew exactly how he felt, he never truly showed his feelings, but I was ready, I was ready to move forward.
"Aaron, I, I didn't know" I whispered shakily after our passionate kiss
"It's not your fault Darcy, after everything with Spencer I should have been more considerate" his soft breath hit my face as we stayed in a close embrace leaning our heads against each other
"Aaron, Spencer made a decision a long time ago to forget about me, to diminish our marriage to satisfy himself. Now I know what I did was in-excusable, I shouldn't have left like that for so long but he still chose to move on even after I came back. Now it's my turn to move on" I finally smiled as he met me with one last kiss
"Then marry me" he whispered
And just like that my eyes flew open as he dropped this on me, this was not the future that I saw!