Juuzou suzuya

chapter 32

I walked into school and looked around for ryū. Of course she wasn't there. I sat alone at a table in the corner. I stared out at all of the other kids living their lives oblivious to the all that has happened. They will never have to to know this feeling of loneliness or ever have to feel any of the pain I went through. I am alone in my pain.

I leaned my head down on the table and closed my eyes. Why am I so lonely? Why am I always this lonely? I rested my chin on my hands and continued to stare at all the laughing kids. I was pulled from my daze by some tapping on my shoulder. I turned my head and saw ms. Iki standing there. She had tears in her eyes and her makeup was smeared, her nose was bright red and she kept sniffling. She smiled slightly trying to hide the fact that she was crying. "Juzo you have therapy today. Did you forget?"

I looked at her thinking she was the one that needed therapy then smiled "oh yeah sorry, I forgot."

She nodded and motioned for me to follow her. We walked to her office and she sat down on one of the couches. I sat on the other. She sighed and smiled at me "so how are you doing juzo?"

I didn't look at her when I spoke I played with my finger nails "I'm kind of lonely without ryū here. Do you know when she's coming back?"

I looked up and saw a odd look on ms. Iki's face, it looked like she was going to barf. She coughed and faked a smile "uh...no i.... Uh....don't know."

I stared into her teary eyes "is ryū coming back?"

She stared back into my eyes and fiddled with her hands, then she looked down at her hands "I'm not sure."

I stared at her with no emotions. I just felt.......cold. "Is........is ryū alive?"

Her head sprung up and her eyes met mine. That's when her composure broke. She started to sob and speak at the same time "no juzo! She's dead!" Sob "she's gone!" Sob "your never going to see her again! She left me all alone!" She started to sib into her hands breathing heavily.

My body felt heavy and I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. How can she be gone? Am I really never going to see her again? That bright green hair that was always a mess. I'm never going to be able to call her weird again and see her little laugh. We will never be able to get ice cream again. I'm never going to see her big bright smile ever again.

I looked at ms. Iki who was crying. Should I be crying. Why do I act like this. I should be sad but.....I'm not sure what I'm feeling. My bad just feels heavy and cold. Ryū is gone, and its my fault. I stared at ms. Iki "ms. Iki. I'm sorry."

She looked up and stopped sobbing. She looked me directly in the eyes "juzo I just want you to tell me one thing. Was it you? Were you the one that killed her? Did you kill my daughter?"

I looked down at the floor "I didn't kill her but she's dead because I let her get involved in my life. I should have made her stay away from me. I shouldn't have beloved her. She was too optimistic and that's what killed her and almost killed me. This is why I'm destined to be lonely. I've never had anyone become close to me without dying." Shinohara flashed into my mind and fear filled my mind. I quickly deleted it from my mind and looked back at ms. Iki.

She had tears falling down her face but she laughed. She looked at me "oh juzo you know ryū used to come home every day and talk about you non stop. She would go on and on about how nice you were and how you were always looking out for her. She really liked you alot. She even made me buy her a dress so she could impress you at school. I'm starting to see why she loved you so much. You never think about yourself. I bet you did everything in your power to protect ryū even if it hurt you." She looked into my eyes "I trust you juzo." She looked at the floor "you know ryu's last words were your name. She could have lived but the strain was just too much. She thought of you and was at peace. So she let go and let God take her. As she died she said 'juuzou'. It's really sweet, what you guys had." She started to cry again.

I walked over and sat next to me. Iki. "Don't worry, I have some friends up there that she will get along with. She won't be lonely."

Ms. Iki smiled at me "thank you juzo."

I stared at the floor. I felt.... Alone. I felt...cold. I felt......dead. She was really gone. I still can't believe it. I feel like in going to see her at the end of the day and she's going to jump on me like she always does. Then she will kiss me and drag me to the parking lot like usual, smiling and laughing. But no. At the end of the day I'll leave class and be alone. Surrounded by people......but alone.

(Okay so I just wanted to say this picture for this chapter signifies how his emotions are blocked off. I'm just saying if you didn't get how it related.)