Useless (phanfiction)

Chapter 18

//TRIGGER WARNING// MENTION OF SELF-HARM THROUGHOUT//

*PHILS POV*

I've been so happy these past few weeks, with being with Dan, with Chris coming back- and maybe even with myself. But I still feel bad sometimes I guess... whenever I remember how bad I used to be. Not the these few years, but before. I didn't have any friends before meeting Chris and PJ. There was no one to comfort me.

*flashbackish kinda thing idk man*

I stood at the station. One of the worst days of my life. I walked toward the end of the platform, speeding up at each step. My heart raced as I reached the end. My eyes focused on one point and wouldn't move. I stared at the tracks, tears falling from my eyes.

This was it.

I took a deep breath, one I thought would be my last. I could hear the train approaching in the distance and took another step toward the edge. My foot was only half on the platform now and I prepared to jump.

All noise stopped suddenly... All I could hear was ringing from my ears and muffled shouts around me. My eyes widened and I stepped back. What was I doing?

I then felt someone grab my arm and pull me back. My eyes closed and a single tear rolled down my cheek before falling to the ground.

***

I woke up in a strange house, two figures staring down at me.

"Are you okay, buddy?"

"What happened? Where am I?"

At that moment I remembered barely any of what happened that day. It was only after Chris explained it years later that the memory came flooding back.

"You're okay now." a brown haired boy, with sad, green eyes smiled back at me.

"Do you remember anything that's happened these past few hours?"

I shook my head.

"Well um..." Chris started, but PJ stopped him mid sentence.

"You just had a little fall." he smiled.

I sat up on the sofa. I was at Chris' house, but of course at the time I had no idea. I sat there and stared at them for a second.

"Oh um.. I guess you'll be wanting to go home now." Chris stuttered.

"But you're welcome to stay here however long you want!" PJ interjected.

Chris shuffled around, looking for my bag. He handed it to me and took his car keys out from his pocket.

"I'll give you my number, call me if you need anything." PJ smiled, grabbing a pen from the table beside the door and writing his number down scruffily on a small piece of paper.

"Thank you." I smile.

"Oh I forgot ahah! I'm Chris," he smiled. "and this is PJ." He said, gesturing to the curly haired boy next to him.

"Phil." I smile, shaking his hand.

We left the house and shared an awkward car ride to my house, only speaking give directions. As we reached my house I got out the car and thanked them for their hospitality, still confused as to what had happened that day. But I was glad that I seemed to have made some friends I guess.

That was the day I met Chris and PJ. My best friends. I still have my bad days, of course but it will never be as bad as it was that day. It's stupid but I guess its kind of reassuring in a way, like it cant get any worse than that.

A/N: that a little flashback chapter sorry if it was a little sad oops :') I think I needed a longer chapter to kinda explain how Phil became friends with Chris and PJ so yep ahah