Useless (phanfiction)

Chapter 32

//TRIGGER WARNING// MENTION OF SELF-HARM THROUGHOUT//

*DAN'S POV*

My room is an utter mess. In fact, there is so much junk that it has consumes my room completely. I shit you not, you can't see an inch of carpet at the moment. My 'room' is more of a trash heap. And here lays the biggest piece of trash, the star of the show, on his bed crying while watching My Neighbour Totoro for the thousandth time. That day. Me and Phil used to watch that together...

I'm a bit of a mess at the moment and instead of trying to get up and doing something I've decided to stay in this room for the remainder of my life until I rot away and die. Lovely.

My phone buzzes. I look over at it on the table. I resume watching.

It buzzes again. I sigh and reach for it. I look at the screen.

Incoming call from "Phil <3"

My eyes widen. It's been so long since I've seen those words on the screen. What would he say? Would he shout at me? Would he ask to see me? Would cry? God, I hope he doesn't cry. I don't know if I could handle that.

I realise I've been doing more thinking about answering the phone and less actually answering it. I blink as I get back to reality. I press the answer button quickly- just as it stops ringing. Great.

"Shit." I mutter under my breath.

I press his name on my phone and the dial tone begins sounding. I wait. One beep. Two beeps. Three beeps. Four beeps. Then silence.

"Phil?"

"Hi Dan."

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Umm.. I'm okay I guess."

I lied. In fact I was quite far from "okay" but Phil didn't need to know that.

"And you?"

I wait for a reply. I don't receive one.

"Phil? Are you still there?"

I hear some rattling and someone laughing. Was he with someone else?

"Yeah sorry about that. I'm fine."

There's a silence. Neither of us say a single word. Had we forgotten how to have a normal conversation with each other? And I can't help but wonder why we're having a 'normal conversation' in the first place. Is he pretending nothing happened? Wouldn't there be shouting? Or pleading? Or any sign of emotion at all?

"Phil...."

This was my chance. To explain everything. To tell him I'm sorry. To beg for his forgiveness.

"Yes?"

I stutter.

"Thank you for calling me."

"You're welcome?" he chuckles.

Believe or not, that was it. The big ice-breaker. We continue on talking. Laughing. It was nice. I haven't laughed with someone in a while.

* * *

Me and Phil have spoken all night. I lie on my bed, phone to my ear and a smile on my face. I hear Phil yawn.

"Aww are you sleepy, babe?"

Shit. I bite my tongue. You've done it again, Howell. You've messed things up. He'll never talk to you now.

"Phil I'm sorry.. I didn't mean-"

"No. It's fine."

"I think it's probably time for me to sleep anyways. Goodnight, Dan."

"Goodnight Phil."

I sigh.

A/N: would you guys mind if I did a 'QOTD' type thing in the author's note? I think it'd be kinda fun. anyways I'll start with a simple one I guess.

QOTD: how are you guys?? tell me everything. spare no detail !!