Silent Laughter (Louis Tomlinson Fan-Fic) Book 3

Part forty-four

Louis' POV

Everything was just so rushed; her voice, her breath, her words. It was all just sort of fucked up in a sense for many different reasons. I mean there I was over at my hotel room in California (Harry, Eleanor, and I having some friendship trip as El called it) with a can of pop in my hands and the remote in the other and she calls me. I hadn't heard from her in over a week and she just called me, doing that talking thing that she did and then just ended it all. I still don't fucking understand what happened. She told me that it had to do with her sister and her, and at the time my mind was still trying to process the fact that she was breaking up with me. I felt so lost and I couldn't even finish watching the program I was watching when the call ended. I still don't even remember who was the one that hung up first. Whether it was me or her. A part of me hopes that it was me, that at least I had some control over the whole conversation.

She didn't try calling me back. I didn't bother calling her back either.

It was all mute; it was as if everything was moving and I forgot how to walk. I just went to sleep after that. Harry and Eleanor kept on asking me the next day why I wasn't eating, why I was still wearing the shirt from the day before, and what the fuck my deal was. I only answered one of those questions.

"Because I like this shirt." I said.

Because I'm too tired to fucking change this shirt and I want to rot in a fucking hole.

Harry's eyes were narrowed and I couldn't look at him. I just let them take me to the shops. Garett was there too for protection or whatever, his mood annoying and bitter.

"What's up with grumpy cat over here?" he asked Eleanor even though I was standing right fucking next to him.

She shrugged.

"I think my father told him something last night over the phone."

I didn't correct her and I ignored their chatty conversation about my sudden change of mood. Harry made sure to walk on my right side the whole time, his eyes never landing on me but his presence alone seeming to be filled with worry. He's always been a mum like that. I felt asleep the whole time. One second I was waking up in my bed, another Eleanor was giving me bags of crap to hold for her, and the next I was back at the hotel, still feeling like I had cement stuck in my throat. I felt sick to my stomach, that if I spoke I don't know what kind of shit would come out of my mouth whether it'd be vomit or just random fucking words. I just wanted to be by myself and duct tape my mouth shut. 

It was my fault. 

I mean who even fucking offers someone to go to fucking Jamaica for two months? This isn't the Notebook or some other shitty romantic movie that has the two of us flying away together like birds at the end. No one can just leave their life and spend time with one person for a long ass time. Especially when those two people hadn't even been dating for half a year. It's all my fault. I was rushing her. I was pressuring her. I lost something that was really fucking great and I can't do anything about it. 

She dropped me completely. It's like she took a spaceship and left this planet just to get as far away from me as possible. Maybe she'll be happier now. Maybe I was just a nuisance from the beginning. But I just kept on pushing and pushing and pushing until she finally gave in and let me mess up her life. God, I would have found that so fucking annoying if someone did that to me and I did it to her. 

The best times of the day were when Eleanor and Harry got back to their rooms and I was left on my own for a few hours to catch some shut eye. I didn't really. I just had my phone right next to me or in my hand as I stared out the window. Their was this big beige curtain blocking the view from the outside and I wanted to push it to the side, see what she would see and try to think about something cool like being able to fly out of there and fall into a cloud, to be able to just simply open that window. But I couldn't. People were outside the hotel. People are always outside the hotel and it's straight out creepy and aggravating but I guess that's what I asked for by getting into this shit.