Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 17

Comment Topic: Comment on the Mood of the chapter. How did you feel while reading it? Substantiate your answer (remember the quality comment thing? 5 sentences or more).

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Author #1: nberry34

Book Title: Covers

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/27114061-covers

Specified Chapter: Chapter Four

Summary Thus Far in Book: Alia is part of the Underground, an organisation determined to overthrow the Society. The Society, which has been in rule for 100 years, forces everyone to become anonymous, to defend against the violence that came with differences and hence no one has a name, a personality or any specific features. Having escaped from school, she is planning to carry out a mission with her newly met comrade, Lena.

Author's Note: Oh my goodness. I can't believe that I'm in the spotlight. Eep. I only have a couple of questions, such as 

1. Does the dialogue feel natural?

2. I find that sometimes I can go slightly overboard describing things and using loads of fancy metaphors in places and such, so my question to you is, does this interfere with the story telling?

3. Above all, do you enjoy it?

Please feel free to point out any and all grammar/spelling mistakes. *Awaiting nervously in a corner for your feedback*

Thanks and enjoy! nberry

Moderator Rating: PG

Genre: Action

Winning Comment: Hello there! Congrats on being spotlighted! That's so awesome! Before I begin I like to let the authors know that I do it a little differently. I read on my phone and comment on here as I go so it might be a little long but hopefully it will help! Here we go (:

-Great intro! I definitely feel like I'm riding in the car with them. A few sentences you might want to look at: "The wind ruffles short brown hair around her face. . . " when reading this sentence it sounds like there are just ruffles of brown hair literally blowing around her face. Maybe try "The wind ruffles HER short brown hair"?

-Love the discussion of her name and how it flows into her personality.

--"...we easily carve through them due to our choice of transport." Now this part makes me curious because it was not mentioned before what kind of car they are in. If it carves through bodies easily is it a big car like a tank? Does it have weapons on it? It is big a truck? What makes it so significant?

--The sentence that begins with "The dark" and ends at "I can work out their story" is very long to me. I feel like this can be tightened up some. On another note, I really love the "picking apart and putting back together"!

-Pangea, nice!

-I like your descpritions of the people in the city. I love how they all seemed brainwashed, it really sets the tone for the story. It also gives a sense of them vs. us which I highly enjoy!

-Great job at working in the mother's death. It wasn't too over the top but left the readers curious

-The paragraph where she looks up at the sky and discusses the banners seems to slow down the chapter for me. By this point I am established with the fact that the Society is wrong, but the paragraph just pushes it even further. I like it, I really do, but I am interested in seeing where the characters are going.