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Announcements: Did you know that DawnStarling is the founder of NBR? As a thank you for her hard work and bringing this wonderful contest and community together, we decided to spotlight our very own founder's work for this round! Thank you so much for everything you did for us, DawnStarling!
Commenting time frame (CST): 8/20 ~ 8/29
Comment Topic: What is the one moment in the chapter you found to be most memorable, and why? Was it the characters? The writing itself?
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Spotlight Chapter: Chapter 25: Amanda
Summary Thus Far: In the first chapter, Amanda wakes up in the future and discovers that she is secretly leading a rebellion. Not long after, she attempted a mission that ended in her capture. She is rescued by Zephyr- her best friend and the rebellion's second-in-command, and life continues. However, it is soon revealed that a traitor is among them, feeding information to the rebels. This chapter comes after Amanda and Phoenix (a fellow rebel) inform Zephyr of the traitor.
Author's Note:
Hey guys! I am so thrilled to be back in the spotlight! Last time was super helpful, and I'm looking forward to getting more help this week. Thank you all for taking time to look at my book. Hope you enjoy it! :D
1. I've been struggling with identifying my character's voices in my writing. I find that a lot of them tend to come off as very similar. Although it's just one chapter, do Amanda and Zephyr's voices come across as unique, or are they too similar to each other?
2. When I was looking at the stats on this chapter, I noticed that it was one of the ones that didn't seem to be finished as often. At any point, did I lose your attention? If so, why, and do you have any suggestions to make things more interesting?
In-line comment preference: Welcome
Genre: Action
Rating: PG
Winning comment: Welcome back to the spotloght! I like seeing the change in the character from chapter one to now. It really makes you wonder what happened between everything, you know?
Question 1) This chapter is mainly dialogue and I can see where you can think that their voices blend. All I can really say is to try and differentiate their voices a bit. Amanda can be detailed in her questions while Zephyr has those short, curt responses because she doesn't want to talk about it. Splitting the dialogue with internal thought might help too. Breaks up the chunks and chunks of information.I mentioned it also how some of their dialogue sounds the same. Both Zeph and Amanda say 'Well' in the beginning at times. One can say well throughout while the other can rely on 'Okay' or something. I've done that before too, have a character who needs constant verification say 'Okay' over and over again. I personally liked the scene. Just how is she feeling, Zaph. Maybe she's sighing more, or looking lost outward at nothing. I don't know, but give her something to do rather than just answer questions. I do think the build up tot he end might need more explaining. Unless there's a reason why the 2nd in command of the rebellion doesn't know they have tickets to his exclusive party. It's probably explained beforehand.
