Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 29

Comment tip: Be honest in your reviews/comments. It's honorable, and the spotlight authors deserve to hear your most sincere opinions. Developing diplomatic honesty will serve you well beyond NBR and into your everyday lives.

Comment Topic: Pace, it's important. Too slow and you lose the reader. Too fast and you may lose the details. Comment about the pace of the chapter. Too slow? Too fast? And how can it further be improved?

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Author #1:Littlemissflawed

Book Title: The Season Trials

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1

Summary Thus Far in Book:  N/A

Author's Note: In the chapter I marked where 2500 words ends. It's got a picture of a tree just after it. You don't have to read pass that picture but feel free to if you want. 

1. Are the characters, setting and plot realistic?

2. First impression of Kaylin?

3. What do you feel is the mood of the chapter - and does it carry through the whole chapter?

Genre: Dystopian Teen Fiction

Rating:  PG

Winning Comment: Hello there, lovely! Well well, this summary took me by surprise. It's possibly one of the most touching and awesomely written summaries I've read in ages. Kudos to you for that. I cant lie, I'm JUST WAY TOO EXCITED TO READ THIS!

*calms down*

Okay. Fangirl aside, now lets get to the edits first. The Ship Of Edits sails *looks at the pocket watch* now. Ahoy! (Don't dig it? No one gets my pirate jokes *sad music plays* *fades into the background with a teary face*)

Anyways, Edits ( Sowwie in advance. There are a whole lot of these. With me, it's like buy 1, get 100 more free. If you don't want the edits, you can skip directly to the comments)-

- "Presents given to (the) highest bidder(;) sold like we're animals on a (delete the word 'lone' maybe?) ( a single quote would do here)special(') day of the year".

Using 'the' before 'highest bidder' is important. It's the article. Also, when you emphasise on a subject by telling something more about it, you should use a semi-colon (or so the bickering grammar books say ;P). The word 'lone' hinders with the flow of the sentence. It's not something people generally say irl ( Idk maybe some people say so. Anyways, you can keep it if you say it yourself)

- "The day we're told our worth by becoming just another person owned by the commander"

This sentence looks a bit sketchy to me. Just think about it- The day we're 'told' our worth by 'becoming'... I mean, how can I tell someone something by making them something? Confusing, right? I would suggest you to re-structure it a bit. You know, something like," The day they let us know our worth by making us just another person owned by the commander" or something. This was just an example. You can write it in any way you want.

- "One man with all the power (,) (I would advise you to replace 'because with 'since') his army had taken over our society, leaving them with all the power (,) and us with nothing. A few rags (,) if anything. Now, we (have been) left to fend for ourselves."

- "(Also, today) happens to be my birthday."

I think 'it' just hinders with the train of thoughts and how the sentence rolls off the tongue. Replacing it with 'today' or 'this day' would help it flow smoothly.