Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 44

Vote, it helps NBR :)

Friday 17th - Friday 24th

A SUPER DUPER CONGRATULATIONS goes to ariel_paiement1 who joins the super elite club as our next Champion Reviewer!! Her critiques were selected by each spotlighted author of round 42 as the winning comment. A truly amazing feat! Congratulations ariel_paiement1 for becoming only the second member to be awarded the title CHAMPION REVIEWER.

Comment Topic: Pacing: Did the chapter move fast enough/ at the right speed to keep your (the reader's) attention? If yes, mention the highest/best point. If no, please point out where and suggest how they can improve.

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Author #1: Christine_Owen [A Wattpad Featured Author]

Book Title: John Doe

Specified Chapter: Chapter I:2 (Chapter 2)

Summary Thus Far in Book: John has just finished a mission and is currently being patched up in a hospital. He calls another MI6 agent for backup.

Authors Note: Thank you all! So excited! Background on this is that I wrote the whole thing on my phone as I ran after my crazy kids. It really makes the running-after-kids part fun(ner)! lol But now to the editing...whew!

Knowing that, my questions are basically:
(1) Do things feel too choppy? I have a tendency to do that because of the one-thumb working pretty hard thing. I'm not looking for tiny grammar stuff. More so, the flow.

And (2) Addiction - is any part of it addicting (in a good way)? Why or why not?

Genre: Action

Rating: PG (M as a whole book)

Winning Comment: I love the 'natural' feel to your writing. So often writers, including myself, focus on 'polishing' our writing that sometimes it feels/sounds 'fake'. Its like John simply says everything he thinks, without stopping to think. And it is in that commentary that you get the fast pacing and the liveliness. To see the 'true' thoughts and feelings of a crafted character on page, without all the add-on's and the refinement, was definitely lovely! And now, with all of our comments and feedback, it will be a great learning experience to see how you incorporate some of this stuff, without changing your writing style. So without further ado, let's start with the review!

First issue - narrative. No, there's nothing wrong with first person narrative :) And you've managed a lot of content without the over-done 'i' There were a few paras however, where there were simply one too many - i did this and i did that. I did at some point of my writing career (and not a very long one at that) decide to challenge myself by trying pov's that were 'unusual' or challenging. So from all of my research on first person pov writing, two things have stayed with me - and I see a little bit of both kind of issues in your writing.

First, and most importantly, is understanding that the reader must move in time with the character. Not before, and not after. The reader must live in the same moment.

So past tense is an absolute no no. That being said "I saw "Aunt Agatha" is the kind of content that does the contrary. Other examples would be - almost all places where '-ed' comes in. pulled over, rolled my eyes, turned to see, i struggled to fill the silence etc. you've got the idea by now i'm sure :)