Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 26

Please vote :)

Did you know? NBR has initiated three rigorous screening processes to ensure we only accept the most promising writers and quality reviewers on Wattpad. It's our quality control to make sure NBR comprises only the best talents.

Comment Topic: Which moment of the chapter is most memorable for you and why? The Enforcers will be on the lookout for non-quality comments.

---

Author #1: Harley__Quinn3

Book Title: Immune

Specified Chapter: Sister Time (24)

Summary Thus Far in Book: Basically there is a zombie apocolypse, enough said about that. Ebony and Kael are trying to survive. Thus far, they end up running into some enemies that want to sell them to the government for testing (trying to figure out what makes them immune). They capture them and tell Ebony they have her sister, Onyx. When they are reunited with Onyx (and find out she is a half-zombie now) they all escape... and that pretty much leaves us at this chapter. (After that they are out to kill)

Author's Note: Thank you so much for spotlighting me this week! I look forward to everyone's opinions/ideas/thoughts/brutality/honesty. And congratulations to my fellow spotlighters this week!

Genre: Teen Fiction

Rating: PG

Winning Comment:Hey there! I've already mentioned to you how much I loved your trailer, but I want to say that the whole way you set up your book with the cool cover, awesome summary, and interesting prologue. I know people say that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover or its summary, but let's face it, we all do. However, yours brought me into the world right away. Alright, so let's get down to this review....

First off, I'll start with some edits:

I would reword your first paragraph to something like "I wake startled, by a cracking sound coming from not too far away. Worried, I quickly check my surroundings for a few moments. I breath a sigh of relief when there is nothing in sight. I must have been dreaming." That way, it shows more of Ebony's feelings, like how she was worried that someone (or something lol) was sneaking up of them, therefore allowing the reader to connect with her more. It also shows the reader how she is alert, and concerned for the well-being of her sister and boyfriend.

Try rewording the second paragraph to something like "Beside me, Kael is sleeping on the ground, and Onyx is sleeping in a little ball, all curled up to herself. I miss the days of when she used to sleep like that in her crib, when the world was pretty much harmless compared to what it is now." I fixed a few minor grammar errors there. I like your imagery here! I can really see Onyx in my head. I love the name Onyx by the way! :)

In the third paragraph, why is Ebony sighing? Is it because she misses the days before the zombies? If so, you should specify that by saying something like "I sigh, remembering the days when everything was so much simpler, the days when I wasn't fighting to keep myself and my friends alive." Also, place a comma after "sigh".

Also in the second paragraph, mention the location of the food bag. Is it hidden? Is Kael guarding it? I want to see where they are staying. I would reword the sun section to something like "Glancing up at the sun, I can gather that it's almost noon. We've been sleeping for most of the day!"

How does she feel when she realizes they have slept most of the day? This is also a good place to add more emotion. Is she mad? If so, at who? Herself? Kael? Is she sad? Elaborate on this.