fragments → garmau • mcd au

[47] days in diaries

Day 1:

I'm putting this in days now. Days to count until Garroth goes. He got hit by a car, the police are still investigating who the driver is.

I'm so lost without him.

I can't concentrate, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't do anything knowing he might die.

The doctor told us that he has a 20% chance of waking up, and a 90% chance of memory loss if he wakes up.

Please be that 20% of waking up Garroth;

and please be in that 10%.

(Tears stain the page, messy handwriting and scribbles cover the sides.)

Day 2:

Mr Burt gave me an excuse, he told the headmaster about this situation and the headmaster excused me from school for the week. Laurance drops by everyday to pass me the homework...

which I don't do.

Zoey always puts the food in my room and doesn't disturb me, because she knows I'm grieving. Thank Irene.

Levin and Malachi always ask where's Garroth, and with Levin going: "Aphmoo Garr Garr Garrmoo?"

It's not helping much.

I'm going insane without him and it's only been two days. I visited him today, he looked so...

(The rest of the page is crinkled and smudged by tears, and is unreadable.)

Day 3:

He saved me, it's all my fault.

I should have looked before I crossed.

I should have never argued with him.

I should have tried more to get out of Laurance's grip.

I even guessed it was Garroth, but I knew I couldn't bear to look at his broken face because I knew he saw Laurance kissing me.

I still have fragments of him with me.

His scent on the bed,

the photos I took of him secretly,

the necklace he gave me.

The necklace is so beautiful.

His mother must have been a very nice person. I didn't even know he was in the car crash.

Cars are dangerous.

It's so difficult without him silently wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, him giving me such a comforting warmth, him kissing me, like there was all the time in the world.

All the uncertainty, all the hope.

In a single kiss from a boy I might never see again.

(A polaroid of Garroth turning around and smiling is pasted on the side, tear stains surrounding it.)

Day 4:

The doctor said his pulse is getting slower.

If he dies, I don't know how I'll live.

If he survives but loses his memory, thank Irene yet not.

I'll have to work back up all the trust and friendship and love we built together the past few months.

Prom is next Friday.

I might not have anyone to go with.

I might not go.

Life is unfair.

SO UNFAIR.

(Scribbles cover the page, some words crossed out and the page is crumpled up out of rage.)

Day 5:

Three more days.

Three more days to open his amazing blue eyes,

three more days to get back the sarcastic and sassy Garroth,

three more days to get back the boy I loved.

I've only drank water these past few days, I have no appetite.

I haven't spoken to anyone, my eyes are still damp, even though I've been crying for what feels like eternity.

I just want to wake up.

I want this to be a bad dream, a nightmare, anything.

I just want to open my eyes to see the morning rays of sun pouring into my room through the windows, and I'm wrapped up in his skinny arms, snuggled against his bony chest.

There has never been anything in the world more comforting than his arms, his smile, his raspy morning voice.

There's nothing more comforting than seeing him.

(The page is nearly soaked completely, and a water spill is apparent at the side. The page is messed up due to someone rushing to rub it dry.)

Day 6:

Two days.

I feel like this is not reality.

Like this is all some sort of fraud.

A fraud in which Garroth is about to walk through the door, wrapping his arms around my neck and kissing my head from my position in this chair.

A fraud in which Laurance and Dante will knock on the front door, and I'll rush down, and they'll be laughing with Garroth beside them.

But no, I saw him get hit.

I saw the cuts and bruises on his face as the blood started flowing.

I saw him doze off into oblivion.

I felt the pain in his voice, yet the pride that lingered that he managed to save me,

his love.

I'd never thought that when I entered Phoenix Drop High, I'd make a guy fall in love with me.

A guy who spent his days doing chores and eating so little,

a guy who was grumpy on a daily basis and hadn't laughed and smiled in years,

a guy who didn't believe in love.

I guess love can do wonderful things.

It can also make people do wonderful things.

I just

(Writing ends, the remaining space on the page is covered with smudged ink; most likely smudged by tears.)

Day 7:

It's the day.