Love Don't Change (Trilogy to Make It Last Forever)

Flatline

Nicki POV

I'm finally done with the movie and I'm happy,it was fun but I feel like this could give me more time to figure out why me and Ciara are where we are. I know it was something I did,but I really don't see what I did wrong,all I did was go back and forth to the movie set and I told her how it was gonna be before we even started. I was at a meeting with Zahir at the school and it was really well,he's on  top of the honor roll list. We start walking out and I walk him to his car.

"I'm really proud of you" I say

"Thanks ma" He says

"Are you and mom gonna fix this any time soon?" He asks

"I don't know" I sigh

I know he's really hurt by this and what happened with Amira,I noticed he's been keeping to himself and barely talking now.

"How are you feeling about it?" I ask

"To be honest I'm upset with you" He says

"Why?" I ask thrown off

This is new.

"Why couldn't you just try to focus on us?" He asks

"I did" I say

"No" He says

"I'm sorry if you felt that way" I say while grabbing his hand

"I don't wanna be touched!" He yells while his eyes fill with tears

"Were we not important to you at the time? I didn't see you for 3 months! That shit hurts ma,did you think it was ok to make mom think you didn't care about her?" He asks

"No I-" I stop when I see him shake his head

"Ma I swear I would never want to disrespect you,but it's your fault we can't be a family anymore! You focused on nothing but that damn movie and put us in the back of your mind,and don't tell me I don't understand what's going on,I may only be 17 but put two and two together and you'll be able to figure it out too,I'm disappointed in you ma cause this is not the person I know! I asked mom if this was the first time this happened and she said no,why do you keep doing this? Why did you put us on the sideline too? It's all your fault" He cries

"Zahir-" I start to say but he cuts me off

"Ma no,I'll see you at home" He says while wiping his face

I watch him get in his car and pull off. Everything from the last 8 months start replaying in my head and I slowly start to realize what I did wrong. All those times I told her I was gonna try to work with the schedule and never did,she was right,I was capable of more than what I did,the empty promises,constant lying,I don't blame her for thinking about the Alan situation,right now I'm starting to relieve that too. Once again because of the way I did things,we're getting divorced again,the only difference this time is that I didn't cheat on her. I knew it was something I did,but now that I know exactly what it is I feel like shit. I get in my car and start driving home,it was starting to get dark and my mind wanders back to Zahir. I hope he stays safe,he was really upset when he got in the car,I hope nothing happens to him. When I get home I notice his car isn't here yet,I text him and he says he's at Tyler's house. I sit at the island in the kitchen and think about me and Ci's relationship. Lately she's been busy and I've been wondering if she misses me,why she's acting different and flipping out over everything but now I know. I think I had a few anxiety attacks over the fact that this is happening again,I feel like I can't breath and everything is becoming blurry as I face the reality. She's really serious about the decision and I can't believe it,I regret what I said that night every time I think about it. It's like my heart is bleeding,knowing that she doesn't need me,shut my heart down,and I don't know what ima do now. I was out there focused on this movie with my life out of control and she became a victim to my busy schedule. And I know that it's not fair but that don't mean that I don't care,I just wish I could've made her know sooner and better. I know she probably thinks everything that I told her was a lie,I kept telling her that it was the last time I was gonna put my schedule before her and the kids but I just couldn't handle it. She doesn't answer any of my calls or texts unless it's about the kids and it sucks knowing I was the reason behind all of this. Now that it's registered in my head,she still feels how she feels,knowing how the kids probably feel,it feels like my heart broke into a million more pieces,like it flatlined. I have to find a way to make this right.

A/N: Get her Nicki! Don't stop! 😪😪 so much emotion. Next update soon!