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What Have I Done?: Gabriel x Reader Part 1

Warning: Talk of suicide and depression

You screamed, throwing a vase at the wall. It shattered, sending glass everywhere.

A piece cut into your foot, but you didn't even flinch.

Your head was full of voices.

Voices telling you to stop.

Voices telling you to give up.

Voices telling you to quit.

You gripped the sides of your head.

It was all too much.

You couldn't hear yourself think anymore.

You wanted it to stop.

You wanted peace and quiet.

With a flap of wings your love appeared at your side, having noticed your distress.

He reached a hand to your shoulder, but you couldn't. You didn't deserve him. You were pathetic. He deserved someone better. Someone prettier, stronger. Not you.

So you screamed, throwing yourself away from his touch.

"LEAVE ME GABRIEL!" You voice was sore from all this strain.

His expression was hurt, which only made you feel worse.

He disappeared in a flurry of gold, and you sank to the floor.

It was becoming increasingly clear what had to be done. The voices wouldn't stop screaming. There was only one way you knew to stop them. It was going to be tricky with Gabriel.

But you had to. You couldn't take it anymore. You'd been fighting for too long. You had the scars to prove it.

Your tears stopped, and you calmly stood up. You grabbed a knife from the kitchen and held it to your arm. With a slice, you began what had to be done.

You locked yourself in the bathroom, after painting the walls with red.

You sat in the bathtub, blood dripping down your arm.

You reached up to the tub wall, drawing in the blood on your fingers.

The voices in your head now sang in chorus, one thought over and over.

do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it

The voices were soft whispers now, caressing your mind, bringing you over the edge.

You raised the knife, staring at the shiny metal that would end your life.

Tears fell down your face, but you didn't make a noise. You positioned the tip of the knife to your stomach.

You heard a bang from outside the locked bathroom door, and without a single note of hesitation you slid the knife into your stomach.

The door was kicked down, and as you slid down farther into the tub you saw Gabe's horrified face.

As your chest grew heavier and heavier, you instantly regretted it.

What were you thinking? You loved Gabe so much, and you didn't want to leave him. He fell to his knees as his gaze moved from your bloody hand draped over the tub to the blood seeping from your stomach. His face was of great horror.

What had you done?

He lunged forward and picked you up out of the tub.

Now, Gabriel could do many things. But he couldn't heal, at least not well enough to save you.

So he carried you out of the bathroom and did the one thing he promised himself he would never do. He went to his brother.

Your eyes were barely open as you brushed your hand wordlessly against Gabe's cheek.

You barely felt anything as the room spun and Gabriel flew you away from that room where everything went wrong.

Gabriel popped up into a motel room where Sam, Dean, and Castiel all sat around.

Sam and Dean, having thought him to be dead, instantly reached for weapons. Castiel, however, held up a hand to stop them.

Gabriel fell to his knees, tears running down his face and mixing with your blood.

"Please." He whispered in agony.

Everyone in the room winced at the raw emotion in his voice, the pain. It would haunt them for years.

Castiel moved to his brother, his trickster brother with the bloody handprint of his cheek and his wings splayed out behind him in sadness. He stared at you, as your eyelids fluttered.

You felt nothing now. It was like you were nothing but air.

Castiel reached a hand out to your forehead, and all you felt was a sharp pain before your vision went white.