The Female Alpha *Sam Uley*

Unable to Forget

"Deep in her heart, she wasn't sure she deserved to be happy, nor did she believe that she was worthy of someone who seemed...normal.
Nicholas Sparks, Safe Haven

~~~~~~~~~~

Like Taddeo said, he goes to visit his brothers when he wants and I don't need him. He doesn't want to leave my side ever but I use my alpha voice on him.

Why does he not want to leave me? This is why.

My face is stained with tears. I couldn't hold it back anymore and finally broke down. I cry, I yell, I drink, I break things, I take my anger, and sadness on that around me.

My dad visits me with Kamalani and Paul. I had then promise not tell anyone on how I'm doing. I'm doing terrible.

My pride, my strength, my emotions are all pouring out. I don't care what wolves think of me. I lost something that ment a lot to me. Those who lost their mates would understand what I'm going through.

My pack right now would be nothing if it weren't for Theo, who is at Washington, and Taddeo that have stepped up and lead my pack while I'm locked om my room with empty bottles of alcohol around me.

I try to stay sober so I don't fell anything. I'm trying to get rid of my feelings and emotions, but I can't. I'm worried that some Alphas will take advantage of me in this state and will try to over through me, but I'm a fighter and will win if it happens.

I've lost myself a while ago far far away. I lost my self with he who must not be named. But sadly I'll always have a part of him with me.

A creek of light comes into the dark room. I groan, the light hurts my eyes. I haven't been outside for a long time.

"Quinn I'm not going." Taddeo says.
"Your going Taddeo." I slur as I try to get up. I reach for the table and miss. Taddeo catches me.

"No Quinn. Not if your like this." He says pulling me onto the couch.
"Look Taddeo, I'll be fine." I start. "Just take me to the bathroom." I say quickly as I feel the food and liquor coming up.

I throw up all the alcohol I've consumed and the little food I've ate as well. Taddeo holds my hair back as I throw up everything on my stomach.

I clean off and stand up a little better.
"You look diffrent and terrible." Taddeo tells me. I stop and turn to look at the mirror.

"I look fat. Pale, my face is scrawny just like my arms, though." I say. Taddeo picks me up and carries me outside into the car. I didn't bother fight back. I feel weak and not into fighting.

"Where are we going?" I ask resting my head on the door.
"I've had enough of seeing you like this, Quinn. I'm taking you to see a pack doctor. You throw up alot every day and I don't think it is because of the alcohol. You don't eat and your so thin. But then you said your fat from your stomach. And that's not normal." Taddeo answers.

I feel tired. I feel so many things. I don't want to feel them anymore. I want them to dissappear. And they do when my eyes close and once again the darkness welcomes me.

I wake up in a hospital room. Again. This time I'am not connected to the IV tude or have a breathing mask on.

I sit up and reposition the bed so that it's in a chair position. Normally I would have left right away but not this time.

I sit still for a while observing the objects around me for minutes before the door opens. The pack doctor walks in with Taddeo behind him.

Taddeo looks at me worried and the pack doctor has no expression.
"Alpha Quinn." The doc says bowing down. I just nod in response when he lifts his head back up.