Turning Tables (Jikook)

Chapter 13: Realizations

Jungkook's POV:

I woke up to a very cold feeling on my back, and cold air around the rest of my body. Slowly, I began to sit up and stretch. Damn aircon... wait, where am I?

As I stood up, I looked at the room where I was. White. This room is all about white. The members are also lying around in the room, sleeping. When I looked at the lone bed in the room, it all came back to me.

The accident.

When I remembered what happened, my eyes began to become wet again. Even though I've already had enough crying yesterday, the event was so saddening. I felt guilty. Again.

After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I decided to get out of the hospital building. When I was out, it felt like I've been locked in that room for years. Like everything was new to me. When I looked at the clock, I was surprised to see it was just 4:30 in the morning.

"What do I do now?" I asked myself. I can't go back to sleep. I don't have food to eat. It's just surprising to see that I woke up ahead of the other members. Then I remembered what Jimin does every morning to get that damn hot body of his... Wait, what the hell am I thinking?

I began to jog around the city. Jogging was surprisingly relaxing – I felt free. It was relieving – the way the air slides across you face, the way your sweat comes out of your body, the way it makes you feel tired. Now I know why Jimin was addicted to jogging in the morning. Every vacation day, I wake up alone in our shared bed. He returns when it is about time to eat breakfast. When I asked him what time he usually goes jogging, he says he does it normally around 4 am. He said he would jog around the city, then he would jog to his favorite spot, where he can see the beauty of the sunrise at around 6 am.

I checked my watch to look at the time – 5:30 am. What? An hour has already passed? Deciding to go and witness the sunrise that Jimin looks at every morning, I changed my direction to go to that favorite spot of his.

When I reached the location, I checked the clock again to know how long I still have to wait to see the sunrise. After a few minutes, light began shining from the east. I stared at the horizon, waiting for the sun to come out of its hiding. Then it came. It was worth waiting for it. It was so beautiful.

I let the rays of light from the rising beauty penetrate my eyes. It was all so perfect. The heat, the light, everything. As I continued looking at the sun, I remembered Jimin. Jimin's smile was like this – bright and comforting. I don't even recall how the hell I became awkward when I'm with him. It was alright if it was some other person, but I'm uncomfortable being clingy or fluffy with Jimin.

What the hell happened? Why do I feel so awkward around him? I was never like that with anyone. What's so different with him? What does he have to make me feel this way? And besides, why am I even crying like hell when he got hurt? The other members aren't crying this much, not even Hoseok, the most emotional member. Not even Tae, who's the best friend of Jimin. Why? Maybe because I'm too young to have experienced this thing. I'm still a minor, after all. But, is that the only reason? Is that the real reason? No. Then what is it?

I kept talking to myself in that spot where Jimin used to look at the sunrise. Now that I've seen it, I can't imagine not seeing it again. I wondered what Jimin is feeling right now, now that he always missed this sunrise lately. I can't imagine losing this bright sunlight. I can't imagine losing his bright smile. I can't imagine losing him.

Then it all came to me. Am I in love with him? But, that can't be! Only yesterday, I hated him so much for being too clingy. Now, I'm considering the possibility that I've fallen for him.

I remembered that time when I saw all the blood in the streets and his snapback. My world felt like ending. It felt like I could die any moment. I panicked like hell, like there's no tomorrow if something bad happens to him. The fact that I was the reason for that accident didn't make the situation any better.