Turning Tables (Jikook)

Chapter 41: Resolution

Jungkook's POV:

"Jungkook, you should go down to eat dinner with us this time." Namjoon said to me. I was still lying on his bed, with the sheets wrapped around me. I was really feeling cold. Not just cold emotionally, but also physically cold. I just kept staring at the window of the room, wondering what the night sky looked like behind the curtains, but I found myself too weak to stand. I heard Namjoon's heavy, lazy footsteps approaching and stopped as he sat down on bed beside me. He put his hand on my shoulder, and I heard him gasp as he immediately withdrew his hand.

"Damn, Jungkook, you're burning!" Namjoon said to me as he reached again for my forehead and felt my temperature. "Jungkook, are you really trying to kill yourself? It's been days, and you are still here on my bed, never leaving except to use the bathroom. Jungkook, you're technically lifeless." Namjoon continued.

"Hyung, they are waiting for you. You should go down now and eat." I said to him, without turning to face him. I heard him sigh heavily, as he stood up, and went for the dining room, without closing the door.

As soon as he was gone, I felt tears flow down my cheeks again. Why? Why am I doing this to myself? I asked as I tried to sit up with all my remaining strength. I looked at my feet, and trailed my gaze up to my chest. Namjoon keeps on asking me things like 'are you trying to kill yourself?' and 'what are you doing?', but I won't answer him. I won't because I can't, because even I don't know the answer. What am I doing?

I looked at my weak legs, and tried to move them. I stepped on the floor, and with the bedside table's help, stood up with the blankets still around me, and walked to the curtains. It took so much effort for me to push the curtains to the side, and open the large window. It was my only outlet to the rest of the world. I felt the cold night air rush into the room, and right now, it was even colder. That was most probably because I was sick. I decided to let the blankets fall and pool under my feet, as I opened my arms and welcomed the cold, cold air. It flowed around my body; leaving everything it touched goose bumps. I felt like all the tears that were flowing down my cheeks would freeze, but they didn't. After a while, I walked to the mirror and stared at the figure before me, not believing that I was actually looking at my reflection. Who are you? I wanted to ask that question, but it would be stupid. The more appropriate question is.

What has become of ME?

I wiped my tears that were freely falling down my cheeks and started to control myself again. This has to end. It can't go on like this forever. This kind of matter won't go down with time, and it's me who has to do something. I said to myself as I went for my closet and changed to new clothes. Tonight, something will change.

I silently slipped onto my shoes and silently thanking Namjoon for not closing the door, tiptoed my way down the stairs, and to the living room. It was more difficult to stay unnoticed because of the indescribable silence of the house. All I could hear is the clanging of the utensils while the members ate their dinners. I carefully turned the knob of the front door after getting one of the duplicate keys and headed outside, closing the door behind me as softly as possible.

When I was finally out, I took my time to look around for a few seconds. I felt like I was in Namjoon's room for years and yet nothing changed. Then I realized that I only stayed there for days, and those were the longest and most miserable days of my life. I saw a cab nearby and motioned for it to pick me up. I had my hoodie on, so there's no way people would recognize me in the darkness of the night. Once I was inside, the driver asked me where I am going, to which I answered BigHit. He nodded and began driving to the all too familiar building, but like what I said, the feeling was like it's been years since the last time I saw it. After paying the driver for a smooth ride and thanking him, I headed inside of the building quietly and straight to the room of the person I wanted to talk to.